Quote:
Weird, and I'm not sure why. Maybe the fog has lifted. Maybe my detachment worked. Maybe my attempts to rediscover my former, confident self helped. Or maybe he emotions got the better of her. No matter what I'm happy and


The way you stated this paragraph shows you have expectations. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Not knowing what the loss was has a little bearing to the degree of comfort she was seeking. The fact she turned to you first was completely normal in her mind. After all, she has history with you. The stuff with her waywardness and OM was shelved temporarily. You must remember at all times that a WW is all about emotions and she lives mostly in the moment.

This will pass. If it was a family member you lost, it will pass. If it was a dear pet, it will pass. Whatever the loss, this will pass, and more than likely, she will very quickly bounce back into her waywardness.

Seeking comfort, cuddling, talking like old times.........means nothing. It is only for her own comfort. It will not change the status of your MR. I think it would probably take the loss of a child, maybe her parent, before jolting her out of her waywardness. And then, I tend to think she would slide over into MLC, especially if there was childhood trauma, or something along those lines.

Look, I realize this is not what you really want to hear. I just hate seeing LBH'S getting their hopes up whenever they see a sudden change like this. And, you admitted you were more clingy than you realized. I am not bashing you for anything. God knows I don't know how you guys have good sense living with a WW!

Let me just remind you that in most cases, the WW slowly comes around. Of course she needs to experience loss, but it needs to be related to her own decisions, IMHO, for the loss to be effective in turning her away from her waywardness. Anytime you see a sudden change in behavior that leads her to physically or emotionally lean on you, or appear to want your closeness............BEWARE!

Last edited by sandi2; 12/25/15 07:49 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!