I've noticed a shift in my wife. I don't bring up our R or the om, but she has started to turn to me for comfort in a way I didn't think would happen.
I can't go into a lot of detail, but we recently experienced a loss and I was her first call. At home we comforted each other (not like that-get yer mind out of the gutter) and seemed closer than ever. And last night my wife initiated cuddling with me. Nothing got too serious and everything remained light and fun.
Weird, and I'm not sure why. Maybe the fog has lifted. Maybe my detachment worked. Maybe my attempts to rediscover my former, confident self helped. Or maybe he emotions got the better of her. No matter what I'm happy and hopeful, but have no expectations.
Merry Christmas everyone
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Well, that is news! I'm happy to hear you have no expectations. I keep reading over and over that the WAS can change on a dime - especially when they sense you getting excited. Just be careful, okay?
I wanted to stop by and wish you a very Merry Christmas! I hope you have an excellent day.
Weird, and I'm not sure why. Maybe the fog has lifted. Maybe my detachment worked. Maybe my attempts to rediscover my former, confident self helped. Or maybe he emotions got the better of her. No matter what I'm happy and
The way you stated this paragraph shows you have expectations. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Not knowing what the loss was has a little bearing to the degree of comfort she was seeking. The fact she turned to you first was completely normal in her mind. After all, she has history with you. The stuff with her waywardness and OM was shelved temporarily. You must remember at all times that a WW is all about emotions and she lives mostly in the moment.
This will pass. If it was a family member you lost, it will pass. If it was a dear pet, it will pass. Whatever the loss, this will pass, and more than likely, she will very quickly bounce back into her waywardness.
Seeking comfort, cuddling, talking like old times.........means nothing. It is only for her own comfort. It will not change the status of your MR. I think it would probably take the loss of a child, maybe her parent, before jolting her out of her waywardness. And then, I tend to think she would slide over into MLC, especially if there was childhood trauma, or something along those lines.
Look, I realize this is not what you really want to hear. I just hate seeing LBH'S getting their hopes up whenever they see a sudden change like this. And, you admitted you were more clingy than you realized. I am not bashing you for anything. God knows I don't know how you guys have good sense living with a WW!
Let me just remind you that in most cases, the WW slowly comes around. Of course she needs to experience loss, but it needs to be related to her own decisions, IMHO, for the loss to be effective in turning her away from her waywardness. Anytime you see a sudden change in behavior that leads her to physically or emotionally lean on you, or appear to want your closeness............BEWARE!
Last edited by sandi2; 12/25/1507:49 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's human to seek comfort in times of loss, and condolences warmth and compassion are never wrong to show.
We would all do this for a friend or acquaintance, it would be damaging to you to be cold and indifferent to a loss. That isn't who you are, you are a warm and loving person.
I would keep it at that level and remember the 100% rule. As Sandi says a WW may need more than that to show true change.
My condolences on your shared loss at Christmas. I will include you in today's votive.
Sandi if you are around I include your H and D in my prayers for you and your family too.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
