I agree, Rouky. You came up with a very fair plan. Let it go for now. H is in a selfish frame of mind right now, and is not going to see your kindness for what it is. I do, though!
I wanted to stop by and wish you a Merry Christmas!
I am going through something similar. I want so badly for husband to feel the loss. And I am aware that the holidays are a time for that. It is the part of me that I am not very proud of. I can justify it, but then 10 minutes later I think how bad I would feel if something happened to husband..like a serious illness etc.
Another fear I have is what if once christmas passes, husband thinks, "ok I got through the worse...I can make it through the rest. No problem"
I know, I think too much.
Merry Christmas, hope you and your children have a wonderful holiday.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Oh Rouky I hurt for you. You are so kind and want so badly to save your marriage. You are trying so hard and it doesn't seem to matter to your husband. Maybe that will help you see that your husband having walked away really has nothing to do with you. It is completely about him in spite of what he has told you. I know that your situation is a little different in that he spends time with the children at your house and I wish that you could change that. Christmas is different in that it is about family and you and I wish that our family was intact but it is not to be at this time. You are required to have the wisdom of Solomon at this time but that is quite unfair. I have decided that I would let my wife chose when she would have Christmas with S13 and I am doing everything that I can to make things as normal as possible at this time. She chose to keep him Christmas Eve and bring him home in the afternoon tomorrow. I guess it will be Christmas morning when you read this and I wish that I was more help but I am praying for you. See your counselor as soon as possible and talk to her about the holidays and birthdays and try to work through the pain of all of it. I hope that you hear from your family tomorrow and can find a few moments of happiness. I will be with you in spirit and I will read your name several times tomorrow to remind myself of your suffering. God Bless you and have a Merry Christmas!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank you very much everyone for your kind thoughts. It's Christmas Eve here in the UK, and I had a great evening. A friend came over with her kids and we had a great time eating together. Then I cuddled up with my kids and we watched TV. I felt good and didn't think too much about H.
Then I received a text from him, saying that he had in his mind to have all his kids opening the presents on Boxing Day and that he was looking forward to it. Then in his next sentence, he said that he is sure that the kids would love to open their presents with him on Xmas Day, and asked if he could come round tomorrow afternoon. Honestly which planet does he live on? I refrained myself from telling him why aren't you taking the kids to your mate's house, but realised that it wasn't worth the fight!
Merry Christmas to all of you and I'm keeping you in my prayers. Thanks for being there for me, you all are gems and I'm glad I have met you here :-)
Well today the title of my post doesn't seem right. Got well excited this morning, we were all happy until I rang my family and my mum started to talk about my situation. Grrrrr! Then called H so he could speak to kids, and I could here OW in the background! It really hurts as he should be with us today. Then got sad as I'm on my own abroad with no near family and it would have nice if in-laws would have asked me if I wanted to spend Christmas Day with them as they know my family isn't there. It breaks my heart. I was part of this family for 11 years and I'm treated like I'm the one who has done wrong! It really hurts!
Hi Rouky, Hope the rest of your Christmas will get better.
Mine is quite over. Realised that the X didn't spend time with kid at all though he had her overnight for Christmas eve and Christmas morning and afternoon. She was with his family all this time and by now, I really don't want to guess how he spent his eve and day.
So I do empathise with you.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I'm wondering if I don't DB the wrong way. I have few posts when people seem to have interaction with their H whereas with me there is no interaction. H has never been much of a talker anyway and I don't know what to do.
I guess my actions of not having him here for Xmas day has sent him the message that I didn't want him here.
Can this day be finished? H came to drop presents and spend some time with kids. He even got me a handcream. All the presents have been wrapped by OW and label by OW!
He told the kids what he got for Xmas and one of the item was the one I thought buying him this Xmas. I'm really down. Why can't he see that I'm not that bad, why can't he put his pride aside and come back? Why isn't he telling me that he is happy with her? How come isn't he filing? How come isn't he introducing her to them? How come he could hurt me like that? He saw what that did to his mum! How come he hasn't apologise for the hurt? How come as he is living with her, he isn't doing things properly?
How come I am suffering and he is happy? How can you unlove someone with whom you were for 11? How come he isn't behaving the same way as the mother of his first child? No talking, no entry to the house, taking her back to our place.
How come he is happy and I'm not? How come he has moved on with his life? Why I am still stuck and hurt like the first day I found out about OW?
Sorry for the rant but I'd like to know that men do regret cheating on their wives, do regret the hurt they have caused and give their couple a second chance!
I must have been a bad person in my previous life to be tested like that and treated this way! I guess it's Karma for me :-(
Rouky, I am so sorry you are struggling today. There are no answers to your questions. No answers at all.
You do not deserve to be treated like this at all. I wish I had some words of comfort, I do not. I just know that you are not alone in your heartbreak and you do not deserve this.
Sending virtual hugs and friendship to you. I am sharing your struggle of heartbreak and self doubt today. Trying to keep busy but this is hard.
