So..towards peace and happiness..

[twinmom]

You're a good woman. ..... I still despise OW and have STRONG feelings of hate.

[rd500]

Hi Sotto. I did not mean to make you cry. You are all I said and more and I hope you accept it because it's true

Sounds like your really keeping busy and I just wanted to remind you not to drink to much punch at works do in Tuesday in case handsome Dan or the like get ideas.!!!!!

Take care. Rd. xx

[Vanilla]

Catching up with Sotto.

Sotto I am 21 months from BD1. Much has happened. On 31 December 2013 at midnight I caught WH with an embrace of the fish wife. I had been M for less than 3 months. WH winked at me when I caught him.

I was in denial for 3 months and since January is my busiest time then I needed to be head down.

All the while WH was on dating websites sites. Why get married in the first place?

Once I knew his behaviour it went down hill so fast.

I really don't want this WH anywhere need me, multiple As?

That's beyond MLC. Gambling, drinking, smoking excesses of all kinds. Then ranting, nastiness and out and out abuse.

I stood for M, I still do, but this WH isn't coming home, the doors are locked, the windows barred, and the road home full of land mines.

And yet I feel so stupid for not knowing.


V

[Sotto]

Thanks for dropping in Guys - Twin, you made me laugh! RD, thanks for the reminder - it's buffet day tomorrow, so I'll stay off the punch. V, thanks for visiting - our timescales are pretty similar. I'm 21 months in from finding emails between H and OW, and almost 18 months from main BD. It's always helpful to compare notes.

I had a quieter weekend after my busy phase, and did start to feel a little low and sorry for myself. Once we move into the Xmas season, people are doing more with their own families. But, I think a couple of weeks of quieter time will be no bad thing for me as long as it is happy, quiet time. So that's what I'll be working on.

I was at the bookstore this morning, then had some mutual friends of H and mine visit for the afternoon. We had a good catch up. I hadn't seen them since the summer, and they haven't seen H for a couple of months. They didn't offer any news and I didn't ask - though we did talk a little about D, finances and house sale.

My friend did say she was staggered at how well I have been doing and how far I have come. I had a little doubt of - maybe she thinks I didn't love H enough and have 'got over' him too easily. But I just said to her I'm making the most of what life has to offer. I didn't choose to be here, but there is still a life to live & enjoy without H.

So, it was a nice visit and I was happy with my PMA. Our friend D a few years ago and her H is a distance away. He doesn't see that much of his S. She works full time and is very busy in the home too. She said she was pretty envious of my current footloose lifestyle - but we agreed it has upsides and downsides too....

Just noticed a text coming thru from H about the house. I'll leave that for a bit as I have a date with Santa and his sleigh tonight.

Have a good evening all xx

[twinmom]

My phone (Samsung Galaxy S6) has the ability to schedule text messages. .. so I can type out my reply, hit send but it won't actually send till the time I set. So you can feel that responded but it looks from his side that you didn't respond for hours/days

Thanks for dropping in Guys - Twin, you made me laugh! RD, thanks for the reminder - it's buffet day tomorrow, so I'll stay off the punch. V, thanks for visiting - our timescales are pretty similar. I'm 21 months in from finding emails between H and OW, and almost 18 months from main BD. It's always helpful to compare notes.

I had a quieter weekend after my busy phase, and did start to feel a little low and sorry for myself. Once we move into the Xmas season, people are doing more with their own families. But, I think a couple of weeks of quieter time will be no bad thing for me as long as it is happy, quiet time. So that's what I'll be working on.

I was at the bookstore this morning, then had some mutual friends of H and mine visit for the afternoon. We had a good catch up. I hadn't seen them since the summer, and they haven't seen H for a couple of months. They didn't offer any news and I didn't ask - though we did talk a little about D, finances and house sale.

My friend did say she was staggered at how well I have been doing and how far I have come. I had a little doubt of - maybe she thinks I didn't love H enough and have 'got over' him too easily. But I just said to her I'm making the most of what life has to offer. I didn't choose to be here, but there is still a life to live & enjoy without H.

So, it was a nice visit and I was happy with my PMA. Our friend D a few years ago and her H is a distance away. He doesn't see that much of his S. She works full time and is very busy in the home too. She said she was pretty envious of my current footloose lifestyle - but we agreed it has upsides and downsides too....

Just noticed a text coming thru from H about the house. I'll leave that for a bit as I have a date with Santa and his sleigh tonight.

Have a good evening all xx

[Sotto]

Hi Twin, that's an interesting option. I have an iPhone, but I'll look into that. Sometimes these IT workarounds can be really useful.

Well, Santa's sleigh was a magical evening. We had a blast. Xmas music blaring, Santa ringing his bell and us elves running around collecting for charity. The best parts were when parents brought their kids out in their Jim jams & we'd tell Santa their names so he could talk to them. We all got to ride in the sleigh too - singing and jingling our cans...that bit was after the mulled wine stop off!

Yesterday was a festive day in the office. We had a buffet and a quiz - in which I knew just a couple of answers but managed to be on the winning team. Last night I went out (alone) to see a laser and music show in our town. It was just one where you could turn up and then wonder off - was very nice though.

Today is last minute shopping and wrapping. I have pretty much everything now. I texted SS this morning to wish him a merry Xmas. He is off to his Dad's today, so I kinda wanted to catch him before that. Got a nice reply from him. I'm still in two minds whether to acknowledge Xmas at all with H, or just completely leave it. TBH, It feels too intimate to text on Xmas day now - and does it feel a little churlish to say nothing? I probably shouldn't be worrying about this, but it has been on my mind.

We got an offer on the house, hence H's text the other day. It is a little low and we refused and countered it. Not heard any more from H since. Looks like the other second viewings didn't amount to an offer. Nice guy from work didn't make it to the Xmas buffet, so I dropped him a Merry Xmas email and got a nice one back. Not sure that he's all that interested, but he does seem a little withdrawn within the office, so I'm extending the hand of friendship & that's all just now.

Anyway, I'm doing okay. It has been so busy and Xmas will be quieter for me. I want to try and enjoy the quieter time as much as I have the busy time, so I can recharge for the new year. I expect that things with the D will hot up in early Jan - particularly if the house sells, so I'm mentally gearing up for that & the fact I fully expect us to be D by spring of next year. Of course, not my choice, but I do truly feel I will be fine now.

Well, this isn't very festive is it??! I hope you are all enjoying some pre-Xmas cheer. Much love to everyone xxx

[bttrfly]

Hi Sotto,
Am moved to say that if the D does happen, your H is losing out on spending his life with a remarkable woman. I hope that Christmas is filled with peace and love for you my dear xoxoxoxoxo

[job]

I agree w/bttrfly. If the D does happen, your h will have lost a wonderful woman who has a lot to offer not only a partner, but the world.

Wishing you a Christmas that is filled w/peace, love and happiness w/your family and friends.

[Irish M]

Hi Sotto

My friend did say she was staggered at how well I have been doing and how far I have come. I had a little doubt of - maybe she thinks I didn't love H enough and have 'got over' him too easily. But I just said to her I'm making the most of what life has to offer. I didn't choose to be here, but there is still a life to live & enjoy without H.

I get this a lot too. I don't think it's getting over our partners too easily. In my case and I think in yours it's that we accept the situation and there's not much we can do but let them do this journey. We just need to make it as comfortable as we can for us and go forward. I don't understand certain people wanting me to be depressed or sad. Life is still great. I'm making it the way I want to make it.

You are amazing. I wish you a great Christmas.

Irish xx

[Sotto]

Buttrfly & Job, thanks so much for your kind comments. Irish, thanks for posting. Yes, I agree with you - it is more a case of accepting there is a journey to take for both us and the MLCer - and where the journeys will lead, will unfold in time.

Well, it's Xmas morning here and I just wanted to wish you all a Merry Xmas. I hope we all have peace in our hearts today, and enjoy some time with family, friends or ourselves - whatever our circumstances.

I'm off to spend the day with my parents, and we have some friends coming over for a Christmas drink later too. It should be a pretty relaxed and low key day.

Warm festive wishes to you all xxx ooo