Rd moving on 12

[Sotto]

Hi RD, yes I'm checking in too and offering a big hug ((((((RD))))))

Hope things are going okay and you are enjoying a little pre-festive cheer.

Xxx

[rd500]

Hi all. Thanks for the posts. All ok. Seemed to have had a bit of a shift in mindset of late

Like us all I thought I had a decent M. I worked hard , etc but didn't spend the time with the family that I should have and while I can make excuses I have accepted that I played a mani part in the end of the M

The situation now is I'm a single dad , working full time and kept very busy most of the time. I'm very lucky to have my children with me 24/7 and obviously that brings many challenges

I do miss the woman I thought W was but in reality that women never existed. That's been hard to accept but I do feel I'm there now Again I fully realise that I was far from perfect and was given warning signs that I ignored

While this has been the hardest time of my life I have come through the worst and feel now is the time to make the changes to remove W as completely from my life as I can I appreciate that we have 4 children together but I think it' will be better in the long run for us all.

My plan is to rent a home for the kids and myself and then sell the family home

I can move closer to work and make my own life much easier and start to build a new life freer from W. Nothing will happen for a couple of months as I want the plan to settle in my mind fully and not do anything hasty

The people on this board deserve so much more than they currently have re Rs and while I applaud the ones who are standing , I also understand the ones that want to move on.

Thanks everyone. Rd

[Vanilla]

RD you do that which you need to do to move forward.

I mean move forward, and not move on.

I am here RD if you need a friendly hug.

V

[Sotto]

Hey lovely RD. I can understand why you would want to make these plans. The house you are in at the moment is the house you were in as a couple. It has remained both of yours in a way and your W can come and go...which has perhaps suited everyone this far.

I guess the further away from BD we get, the more it makes sense to go about getting more separateness, and selling the house would probably achieve that. You would buy a house that is for RD and the kids and it would be 'your' house, not 'ours.' Great if that also makes financial and practical sense - makes your life easier.

It may just be that you are ready to take this next step forward. Soon after BD if I thought of selling our house, it was too painful. The house was a symbol of 'us' and hard to let go. I think it will still be difficult to face the finality of it being sold - perhaps at a similar time to our D being finalised, but I'm certainly more ready than I was and I know it makes sense.

But, as you say it's a good idea to let the idea settle and truly see if that feels right to you. There's no rush and Spring is a good time to sell if that's what you choose. Presumably your W has an interest in the marital home and would need to agree in order for it to be sold?

So, is it family movie night tonight?? What's on the menu for you and the kids my friend?? Have a lovely evening & take care. Thanks for your kind posts on my thread. You truly are a nice man and I have such respect and fondness for you.

Xx

[Vanilla]

RD

I belive you need your privacy. If you have to sell the house to achieve that then you do.

Your own front door with the kids and pay WW her share.

Is that the only way you can get privacy?

RD, you are dropping the rope at long last.

V

[Ancaire]

Merry Christmas, RD! I hope you have a most wonderful holiday!

[Vanilla]

Happy Xmas RD to you and your family.

V

[ATPeace]

RD Merry Christmas thank you for all your support ghost

[Pink17]

Hi RD,

Well, just read your posts and it is hard to feel the pain you are feeling right now.

You and everyone on this board knows the way I write to you and that once in awhile we get into this more X rated conversations. But, I really would like that your W would get to her senses and at least try to work on her M issues, perhaps to just give it a try to see if you did not leave anything behind.

The fact that you two have children is not just an accident that goes away with time, it is forever and everyone will leave with the wounds, marks and consequences of a divorce.

I also know that even taking some responsibility for the end of the M, it is not up to you or you have no control over your W's decisions. It's up to her to chose her family or her freedom.

I hope that you do as you say and take your sweet time to really balance what is the correct step for you and for your kids at this point in time. Not too long ago, I felt this huge need to escape, go somewhere, just disappear from the face of earth, but then I also got to my senses and I understood that I was just going through another phase, just evolving.

I also decided that I will need to look for some more sessions with my IC starting next year. I can kind of accept my XWH left me, but doing so, I also noticed that I feel a lot of pain coming from rejection, humiliation, disregard, betrayal, anger, resentment, and so on.

These are the feelings left on us. We are not only dealing with the fact that we lost the spouse and that they are not there anymore, we are now dealing with the aftermath devastation of the storm.

Another thing that I notice is that yet it is amazing that we have our kids and we love them to the end of days, it is also a lot of obligations. With those faces comes a lot of noise, preparation, talk, arguments, shopping, cleaning, more talking, and sometimes it would be nice to just have a life were we come and go and have some freedom.

Yes, it seems very selfish and I do not let myself do it, but we are not free. By other hand it makes even harder because our spouses are some stupid people that just left and pretend that everyone will just move along like nothing happen.

There is where my anger comes from many times. That why should be me the one standing and being responsible and doing all what is necessary to keep this kids with a some kind a normal life? Why, why, why???

Sometimes it just feel like my head will explode.

And to make things worse, these idiots left and they are always around trying to get some kind of emotional balance from us... again Why???

I got to the conclusion that only time will make things easier for everyone and we will some day find some peace inside of us. Right now, we are still on a one day at a time deal.

RD, I feel for you, I really do. I wish non of us were here and life was a little easier. But that is just a dream and we will need to get through this time the best way we can manage.

Hope XMas is being good for you and for the kids and that you can get some rest this holiday and finish the year strong.

Love and hugs,
Pink

[Sotto]

Hello RD, I'm just dropping in to say Hi - sorry for not posting lately, but I hope you had a good Xmas with those lovely kids of yours. Do post and let us know how you are doing my friend.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the holidays xx