It's Christmas eve and emotions are running high. I had a very productive telephone coaching session last week. My coach suggested that because we are living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed it is not recommended to go dark. I was relieved to hear this, as its impossible to go dark in my situation.

We are co-habituating. My wife has always paid the utility bills and I have covered the other major expenses, mortgage, life, car and house insurance, cable, internet and wireless phone bills ,registration fees for our children's sports and other incidentals. Until recently, I was fine with this arrangement. I have been doing some thinking and maybe I should suggest, since we are more like room mates, we should split the bills 50/50. This would actually be a total 180 for me. It may open her eyes to the reality of what I have actually contributed to this marriage financially and what she can expect when/if she follows through on the separation. If anyone feels this may be a mistake, please let me know.

My past spending habits are partly to blame for our situation, however, over the past 2 months I have paid off almost $30,000 in Credit card debt. Being self employed, part of my get a life was to spend as much time working to better myself financially but still be available to my children. Any night that my boys had hockey or other activities, I was always available.

I have been more responsible with my spending. She continues to treat herself to expensive boots, shoes, clothing. Its her money. She works hard, but knowing how much she spends on these items, especially when she criticised me on my spending seems hypocritical.

I find myself becoming more angry with her each day. I know we are both to blame for our situation, but if she would have only expressed her concerns sooner , I would have changed my habits, focused more on us and our future.

It is true that you never know how good something is until you loose it. I have always appreciated my wife and I let her know that. However, I had a poor way of showing it. The feeling of loss I have right now is overwhelming and I want to fix things. I just hope that she is not too stubborn to admit we can salvage this marriage, become the people we were when we got married.

She was my best friend. I want her to be my best friend again.

Don't count the days, make the days count.
Mohammad Ali