LBH w/ a WXW after the D - now what

[gs9]

WTF is going on!!!!!

-I got home and WXW and D4 were sitting on the couch watching TV. I went to my bedroom, laid down and turned on TV. WXW came up and asked what I was doing. She then said "you can watch whatever you want downstairs". I said " I'm good, just relaxing"
-She made peanut butter fudge which is my favorite and she's never made it before
-She went to the store then sent a text asking if I wanted any food. I replied " no thank you"
-When she was gone I came downstairs to watch tv with D4. She returned, made popcorn, gave me my own bowl and paper towel.
-I started growing out my beard over the last couple days. She said "you look so different today. It looks really good"
* Now....all these things may sound pretty normal but trust me they are way out of character for her.

- Finally WTF. She was about to leave the room to go to bed. She kissed D4 who was on the other couch from me. She then came over to me, leaned over and kissed me on top of the head. She then said "I love you" as she walked away.

WTF!!!! is going on. She must want something. Still working her angles I'm sure. Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

[Pax_luv]

Wow, Gs! Wtf is right!?! I have no words, just know you made my jaw drop too! youre right, believe none of what she says and only half of what she does- no expectations! With that, have a great evening!

[tl2]

Geez. If it were me, I'd pretend that was a dream (or a nightmare) and forget it as soon as I could.

[sandi2]

Read nothing into those type of actions from her, b/c it means nothing. It is fairly common with some WW's to suddenly become chummy right before or after the D is final. I can think of three options. It could be tempt checking, to see if she still has you emotionally attached; she realizes this is the last Christmas together and is feeling a bit melancholy; she's buttering you up for something that she is going to throw at you.

Either way, just continue playing Mr. Cool (not Mr. Kool-aide )

[gs9]

Feyth, tl2 and sandi, Thank you for stopping by.

Sandi- that's hilarious. Still being Mr. Cool

Let the WTF continue........
On Christmas eve she gave me a hug then said " I want to be better, I'm working at being better. I'm really trying and I want to be great. I want to start couples counseling when you're ready or if you want to. We could get a new couples counselor and start counseling if you want to."

I almost fell over. I wasn't sure what to say. Luckily I was headed out the door to do my Christmas shopping. Later we all went to church Me, WXW, D4 the boys and their Dad and then we went to my house and had tamales.

WXW put the kids to bed, brought out all the presents and then messed around. Felt a little weird.

Christmas was great! The kids had a blast. The boys Dad came over again. We all hung out and had a really nice day. That night WXW said there were a bunch of movies she would like to see, asked if I wanted to go to the movies and then started naming all the movies she wanted to see. I didn't respond and ducked into the shower. Later that night we messed around again.

Saturday I was gone all day shopping with a friend and didn't go home til Sunday morning around 10am. I went to church then home. D4 said "Daddy can we play legos and watch TV as a family?" She is so precious it makes my heart hurt. I told her I would be back later. I knew I needed to leave. WXW can't feel the loss of what she has done if I'm always around. I didn't return until this morning and just popped in early to get work clothes. Didn't see anyone

Last night WXW sent this msg
"don't tell D4 you're coming home to play legos and watch tv. She asked several times today when you would be home. She said you're a liar. And don't ever try to take advantage of me again. I knew you just wanted sex and you were using me."

This morning I responded
" I agree and understand what you are saying. I hope you'll hold yourself to the same standard. I have had several of these conversations with D4. Take advantage of you?"

then through a series of more messages She denied breaking promises to D4 and I reminded her of several occasions that she did. She said I wasn't owning what I did. My last message was
"What? Do you read my messages? I started by saying I agree and understand. And then I asked you to hold yourself to the same standard.
You've been really kind and gentle this last week. I hope it continues. If not, don't contact me."

She replied "your need to get the last word is funny"
Which in itself is ironic because she is demonstrating her need to get the last word.

I think she is realizing she has lost me. I do love her and I will take her back if she gets healthy. I'm not getting back on this crazy train the way it is.

[gs9]

And she just called to talk about mortgage details. Very kind and gentle. Jekyll and Hyde

[Cristy]

Hi gs9,

Hmmmm....

Your best bet is to be the best gs9 and Dad possible. Focus on D4 and yourself. If you tell D4 you are going to do something, stick with that plan. Could you have played Legos for a little while & then left?

Sounds like WXW is temp checking. Even though the papers are final, nothing else is.

Hang in there!

Cristy

[gs9]

Hi Christy,
I could have and I should have. That was definitely a mistake on my part.

Her temp checking is very confusing. Seems she's pushing her agenda of divorcing then dating, counseling, new proposal, new ring and new ceremony.

I'm not 100% against it but she will need to get help before I'll even consider it.

I don't know if she thinks we'll just start over and her A's and behavior will never be addressed.

[otw]

Wow g. Wild ride you are on. Just outside looking in here. I think you and your W are in the verge of disrespectful to each other. Going out all night and not coming home in the same house is disrespectful to me. I know you are now divorced but still. The kid thing. Should never be collateral damage when dbing in my book. No matter what.

I may be wrong but I think it is time for a heart to heart with your wife to figure out what the hell you are doing. You need to be honest in what you say but hear her thoughts.

Maybe I'm wrong and she is temp checking but at least when she says these things and you then talk about them you can leave her to her actions and you to yours.

[gs9]

OTW, I'm not sure I am still dbing. I don't know what I'm doing other than moving on with my life. I don't think it's disrespectful for me to be out all night. She is no longer my W and it was by her choice.

I do feel guilty about not returning and playing with D4. I feel guilty that she will not have the family she should have, at least at this time. I do believe we could come back together as a traditional family in the future but WXW will need to get her head out of this fantasy she is still in.

I find myself needing to forgive her dozens of times a day. I know I'll forgive her but she'll need to do the work if she wants to reconcile. She hasn't been out all night in several weeks.

She was gentle and kind again last night. She wanted to show me a couple pics of the place she is buying. Hugs and "I love you" this morning. So weird.