As far as regaining your integrity, YOU aren't the one who lost it. You have been a faithful spouse. Yes, some poor behaviors and thoughts based on very human reactions and temporary insanity. That is over. You are bouncing back now. You hold your head up high and do what is right for you. Do NOT contact OW. (I have those thoughts too) .
Do not snoop. Do not beg, or cry, or talk R with him. Do something for yourself. Go meet some friends for lunch, join a book club, whatever you need to do to get out of the house, stop looking at him or waiting on a signal from him that things are ok. Respect yourself. Post here, and post a lot. You will get through this. And, there is a lot of hope in your situation from my perspective.
