Lisa - I'm glad you're posting. I'm sorry for the things you have gone through and while I wish you would have come back to post, what's done is done.
One thing to get through - DB methods are not really a trick or a play or a temporary thing designed to get your H to come back to you. It's more of a lifestyle change to get you to be the person you should be. With that said, you wrote a novel on your H and I didn't read one sentence about you other than your reactions towards H. What kind of GAL are you up to? What kinds of 180s have you been doing? And so on....
As for "blowing it"....stop that nonsense. Your feelings are feelings and May and likely will change. Experience them. Understand them. Accept them. But don't make decisions based on them. And while he violated your boundary a couple of times, that doesn't mean you can't reset it and stick to it now.
I wouldn't necessarily limit contact. But I wouldn't seek it out right now. Take your focus off H. Off OW. Get it back where it was 9/11-9/13....on you.
I think you should retread this thread a couple times. I bet most of the advice will still stand.
