There are lots of thoughts I have about your post. First, stop beating yourself up. I found that my H's A caused me to act pretty crazy at times, so I totally understand how you are likely feeling right now. The lack of respect that H was showing was so painful. I think you gain some respect back by setting boundaries and following through. If you told him he was out of the house if he continued communication, then I think you need to follow through. Is this accurate? Also, are you 100% sure of his story that there is so little contact?
Second, your H seems to want to shift blame and focus on OW actions and role and you seem to want to buy this. Yes, she plays a role, but ultimately your H chose to have A and continue to reach out to her multiple times. She is really not worth your time and energy. I did send text to OW mostly to let her know I knew who she was and that I knew she was in my home. I think I may have asked her to leave my H alone as I was trying to save my M, but I kept it very calm and tame considering everything.
Finally, your H seems to have no real fear of losing you even though he seems to say it. If he truly feared losing you, he would show it in true remorse through action and keeping NC with OW. Again, I think this goes back to strong boundaries and DBing.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
