Back on these forums again 5

[Mona52]

I know my last thread filled up so fast because I am abusing the board today. Luckily for everyone I will be away from any keyboard in 20 minutes

I did not cave. I am not close to caving now. I still cant promise I will not give in. I am shaky about my resolve. In no way am I perfect. The biggest issue is that I love that man. He is my kryptonite. My heroine. The only reason I get so angry with him is because I love him and he is not this person. He was flirty and fun and very very attentive.

He gave me great compliments.

Now he has no present for his kids. In my mind I see his sad puppy dog eyes. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be Okay. I will fix everything. He does not have to worry or be sad. I want to do the things I know he loves to relax him and make him smile and laugh again.

I want to hear him say those other words to me, one last time.

I have not allowed these thoughts near my frontal cortex in a while. But that is why today is so hard. Because above all, this is what I want the most.

My PMA is way up. I am not sad or depressed in the slightest. Just like i can describe how I want a cruise to the Bahamas without falling into a severe depression because I am not on one, I am able to say that I want my H back without feeling a ton of pain. It is just a fact still. I am not at a point where I do not want this.

I will make it through the rest of the night without caving because I am dead busy. However, right now I am only battling my thoughts. If jerkface sends me a text message and starts asking for help, I PROMISE, I will post here before doing anything. PERIOD.