Lisa, I think you need to re-read DB. Go back to Sandi's rules and start following them 100%. Right now you are being ruled by your emotions. I understand why, it is human. But your emotions are not going to get you what you want. I am not saying you want your H, maybe it really is over. But you cannot make that decision right now while you are emotional. Follow Sandy's rules. Write out some goals for yourself. Specific goals that are for YOU. Limit your contact with H. Is he still in your bed? Maybe for now ask him to move to the sofa until you can trust him again?
Most importantly, take a deep breath and do not take ANY action until you feel calm and you have given it some time.
I am sorry for you, sorry you are dealing with this. Hang in there and keep posting.
