Back on these forums again 4

[Mona52]

post here before you mess up...
post here before you mess up...

I did it! I STFU and I am posting here.

My H has me in inch away from saving him.

My mom asked me how my kids were getting to and from my sister's house on christmas. I dont speak to my sis, so I am not taking them, plus I will be gone that day once they leave. She asked me to ask H.

So I sent him a text yesterday at 3 in the afternoon. He never replied. So I sent him another (nice) text this morning.

Now, I am using every inch of my self control to NOT save him, but it is practically impossible.

H: I don't know if I am going to your sis' house, I will let you know today.

Me: Oh, didn't you go there for Thanksgiving?

H: Yes. But felt extremely awkward.

Me: I can imagine. OK, well how about this

Me: I can ask mom to drive them

Me: You get them and take them to your house when you are ready to spend time with them, or, I wont be home so you can spend time with them at their house.

H: I dont have any presents for them Mona

H: I have no food to feed them or anything to drink except water.

Me: I'm sorry. But I bet they still want to see you. And I bet they won't care if they cant eat. Or, you can come to my house, but my mom may be there, I have no idea.

H: I'll let you know. I am so ashamed that I have nothing for them.

Me: I understand you feel bad. But they wont care. Really, your kids were not raised that spoiled.

H: I'll let you know

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So, here are my mixed feelings...

First, I did not save him! Every single cell in my body is screaming for me to save him. he|| I can go to the dollar store and buy 3 small trinkets for 3 bux. I can also actually buy three real gifts for him to give the kids.

Then the food remark hit me so far below the belt. I was ready to buy him groceries AND cook him food! I did neither.

So I am patting myself on the back.

Next, I did not even once tell him how he should feel or argue with his feelings. I was going to say he should not feel ashamed, instead I offered how the kids might feel.

Although I wanted to, so very badly, I did not criticize him for not getting his children a gift, so I am going to do it here, now...


How dare he! what a huge %^$%&* ^(^&^%$*&). Right now he is smoking a cigg at 7 bux a pack telling me he has no money for my kid's christmas presents???? S12's bday was a few days ago and jerkface got him NOTHING.

whatever... out of my control.

Okay, rant is over back to my mixed feelings. My kids are about to be upset. Their father did not get them anything. It is possible they will be crushed. How do I help THEM? Do I let H do what he wants then try to explain to them later that he really does love them, he is just not himself right now? I doubt my words will make them feel better really. It will only make me feel better thinking I did every thing I could.

I can prevent them from feeling unloved, but I can only do that by saving him. I am not supposed to save him. And I am positive I am not using my children as an excuse to save him right now. I cant bear the thought of my children going to school and saying "My dad did not get me anything" to their friends. I can't bear the thought of them getting hit again with a feeling of unwanted.
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I want to fast forward until after christmas.

Christmas A is where I buy three presents for him.

The day after Christmas is here... My kids are normal, no major issues. My H is still not talking to me. And now that I saved him, he will think he is safe in his tunnel because I can just help him when he gets in trouble. He stays in his tunnel for an extra year...

Christmas B is where I do not save him.

The day after Christmas is here... My kids' christmas was ruined. Their daddy did not even show up. Or he showed up but forgot about them. They get mad at me because it is my fault daddy doesnt want them. Or worse, they feel like they are bad and dont deserve a present.

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Will this shame be enough to break through and help him change his behavior toward his children? If I allow this bad thing to happen could it help him wake up to the fact that he is a father? I am not even talking about my M right now. I am talking about my children, the most important people walking the earth.

I wont do anything until you guys can shed some light on the correct path...