Unfortunately, there isn't a "one size fits all" answer here. Every split family faces these problems. My family faces the same issues. So far, the X's have been cooperative. We have a family tradition that started when my grandparents were a young couple, and meet on Christmas Eve to celebrate and open gifts. Then the separate families have Christmas day to do their own thing. Growing up, Christmas Eve was always my favorite time, and so it has been for my children and grandchildren.
My suggestion would be to talk to your W about setting a day for who gets what day, and stick to it from now on. It is disrespectful to the extended families who have to switch their plans around one person who continues to change things at the last minute. Give her first choice and then whatever day you get your child, make it work. Christmas can be anytime! It is whatever and whenever you make it happen.
There are so many divorces and second marriages these days, until some families meet two weeks before the 25th, or a week afterwards........just getting around to all the people they have to cover. So, don't get hung up about the calendar date.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
