JB, as I lie in bed, home sick today from work, riding the waves of the DayQuil ocean, I imagine my DB friends with me. Can't you picture it? All of us, in a boat, rocking around on orange waves, purging ourselves of our wounds, all the while drinking DayQuil out of the bottle and watching all of our problems seem to melt away like ice cubes in the sink...
GAL- Check!
Zues, you are quite the delight today. I'm wondering something. Are you are romantic at all?
JellyBxxx
JB- was this the question you were referring to?
I'm not really sure what romantic means. I'm not sure I'm naturally romantic in the sense that there might be many things that women would consider romantic that I don't, or that I wouldn't do naturally, that wouldn't interest me.
On the other hand I'm very idealistic. I would love to be in a relationship where a woman tells me what she considers to be romantic, and allows me to play make believe that I can do that for her from time to time. Shoot, I've never read a romance novel. But if my partner found them moving I'd be happy to read those she reads, maybe even to read them to her, and to quote to her or play the part from time to time...not that I'm that guy, but at least to convey that I understand her desires in some ways and I validate them and do my best to fulfill them. I truly would want nothing more than to find how to make my woman feel understood and fulfilled, whatever that means to her. And I'd give it my all. There really isn't a higher priority to me than to be the best spouse you can. When I look at what I put into pool or my job, I put in a LOT, so I can say I would give a lot to my partner as well.
That all said, there is couple of hard reality. And that is life doesn't live up to ideals. I'm sure there are days I would be tired, or distracted. There would be days I would take her for granted. And my biggest fear is that I'd be resentful of her. You see, in my M I expected my partner to treat me the way I wanted to be treated, and to do the same for me. That didn't happen. After years I grew very resentful and no longer felt it in my heart to try to be the romance novel. The problem with that is that once you go down that cycle it is just a matter of time before the M fails. So now I question, if my future partner rejected me continuously, and I felt misunderstood, unappreciated, neglected, and diminished...could I find the strength to continue to strive to be her Fabio? With no reciprocation for years or decades or possibly ever? I feel that's what a married man is supposed to do. But it is so hard. I was tested so much. I don't know for sure I could do that. I DO know I'd never leave. But to not have periods where the pain and resentment would cause me to want to distance myself...that would be hard. My best guess is that I wouldn't be perfect, but I'd do better than before, and maybe, just maybe, if I do, and I'm selective of my partner and they are trying the same thing, then maybe it will work out.
But while I understand life can't live up to ideals, I'd at least like to give my all to try, and then if I fall short I know the expression of my love will be limited only by the world we live in, and not by the depths of how deeply I feel it.
Last edited by Zues126; 12/23/1503:12 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
