Cali, something you posted above has stuck with me. I thought about it last night. You said you feel your wife is happy having her family back but not ready for much more than that.
Strangely, I realized that is a lot like how I feel, what I want. I want my family unit back again. There is a huge comfort in that, it's safe and comfortable. I figure the connection with H would take time, something that would grow back over time as there has been so much damage done by us both.
So, I wonder if that is the case for your W. She must feel a huge comfort having you and S there. I know it must be frustrating that it is all on her terms, but it's all she can be right now. You guys are her rocks as she works through her issues....for whatever reason, it makes so much sense to me. Could be that was the case for me as I went through my own mini fog. I knew H loved me, I knew he was there for me, and him and S were like my lifejacket as I lashed about in the water.
I think you are very important to her, more than you know and way more than she can tell you right now. My H stood back and let me lash about until I was done, kind of like a parent who watches their child try to walk, but is there if they get hurt. IDK, just sounds like a place your W may be right now.
I wish you the best Cali. Don't forget all that Jedi training you got! Did you see the new Star Wars yet?
M you may be spot on here. During this entire crisis I was always the one she ran to .... always. Even when she had the STD she called me first, wanted me to help her, go to the Dr with her, I did calmly tell her not my place, she should take her BF whom was so nice to give her this gift rather than me. She called the next day in tears saying he had in fact gone with her but she really wanted me. This did give her and OM a big dose of "What will you do when things hit the fan and you have to actually be there for this person you 'love'"
Even before your post I thought to myself ... ok .. the pressure of everything going on, yeah .. you are right .. she is being all she can be at this moment. I had 'the gift of time' (I tried not to roll my eyes saying that) and really did a ton of work on me, I became a better version of myself ... during that time W was lost in the fog bumping into crap only to realize she was lost and woke up a bit realized she was about to lose everything. So now ... she has her family, her security blanket .... though she still seems to be in a severe MLC hangover ... there is progress. Her medical issues do seem to take her focus away from dealing with the mental side of all this I wonder if this is the way its supposed to work out, like God is really trying to get her to see the simplistic good things around her ... all this .. not anything to do with me, its her walk and she must do this without me but she does know I am there for support.
