I like the resolution, but resolutions are an interesting beast all to themselves, no?
Cali, my boy, haven't you learned by now? You are human. She is human. Humans make mistakes. You both do.
And what happens in this moment, may not carry over to the next nor be remembered? What happens in this moment, is a point in time. A data point. Not good. Not bad. Just a data point.
From what you've said, it could just as easily be the end as it could be a point in time you both laugh at over wine in your twilight years as you celebrate your 500th anniversary.
You are reverting a lot in your thinking. I get it. You were both starting to go back and peel the onion down to the previous layers. It's easy to do. But you need to re-read your post and see what you're doing. You're being defensive and hurt.
Not saying you don't deserve to be. But I'm wondering if perhaps things were getting closer as you near the holidays? Perhaps you both had some things pop up that get in the way, as well as some old bad habits?
Enough of that. It's a point in time. What tonight or tomorrow or the next weekend brings? Still to be determined. History is still to be written, my friend.
And you always can punch out if you want. Nobody on the planet is going to think you didn't try, including the spew monster and your son. More importantly, you.
I'm reading this and thinking, nope, not yet. Nobody can tell yet if it's a bump in the road or the end of the road.
AJ
AJ .. oh I know all to well about the human-error factor, and yeah ... as you posted I did not feel this last blip was a make it or break it type issue, but was not just a minor spat, in a way it felt like the pressure was building over the past few months and the volcano finally bubbled over a bit, not a full blown Mt Vesuvius ... but enough to evacuate a couple villages.
I think the biggest thing in retrospect was a few things on my end:
Having expectations .. yeah .. I did. I expected her to make it right, in a way I felt she was avoiding the consequences of her actions but realized as hurt as I am about what she did, be becoming that hurt person was not who I am nor wanted to be .... the closer I got to her the more intense the emotions became, detached I did not have this problem.
Forgetting she is still in crisis and will be for some time, I fooled myself into thinking .. ok shades of the old W are back and I see shades of the new .. lets get on with this and start a new life now ... not so easy and it does not work that way, she is still processing and day to day she is sometimes a different person, I have to be on my game and continue to be the secure solid person and not fall for the tests, temp checks, baits.
I also underestimated the stress/pressure she is under during this time of year. Holidays bring their own stuff just for us normal people, for us, add in BD back in Sept, she moved out Nov, last year I refused any 'fake holiday family time' ... so this year some old and new traditions are trying to morph into one. Add in her family is a total wreck, and the biggie I think .. BIL3 in prison (she did visit last weekend and seems much better there, the guilt of not visiting him I feel sparked last week). And now .. her mother is in the hospital, so I have gone back to my 2.0 ways, I am the calm one, the one she is leaning on when she feels .... this time I do so without expectations, just doing my thing and allowing her to thrash around as M puts it.
