Thank you for the reply! I joined earlier this month but I posted late night and I think it was buried quickly.
I'm 34 and she's 33 we lived together 6 years before getting married and have been married 7 years. We are in the same house. Different rooms. We had an argument after our friends death and she dropped the not in love with you bomb a couple weeks later. She has distanced herself from me as much as possible since (I've seen her do this to other people for months/years). I went through all the wrong reactions, mistakes etc til I started counseling and found dr/this forum.
I started implementing it right away and I thought things were getting better. Good and bad days but seeing some if her old self sometimes I think? I can look in her eye and part of her is gone/dead.
Her behavior is all over the place. She has a female friend she is going out with all the time (who is widowed and depressed) is Burning herself in work, staying out late, drinking, going to events leaving me at home with the kids (and formerly sil but she moved back home a few weeks ago). Says there is no one else but idk. Most of the mlc checklist behavior seems to apply. I've been compared to abusive parents, an abusive past relationship, on so on, and then told I'm worse (we never had any sort of these issues in our relationship, things to work on yes, but nothing like this). I know better than to believe it but it still hurts.
I was doing everything at home (total doormat) until I started DBing, now I'm getting some help cooking, cleaning, etc but I was told she wasn't doing it to be nice (I guess she feels guilty). I still need to work on GAL.
I was doing alright trying to use the tools I've read about with some trial and error but she really got the best if me with the mediation appointment and her timing. I got mad and we argued (same ol not accomplishing anything argument I don't want to be part of ending in her going to bed and me upset not sleeping w brain that won't shut off, stop signs not working last night). I should have left the situation but I didn't, I let it get me down just when I was starting to feel good for the first time in months.
Thank you for the holiday advise, I'm going to have to take the high road and try to have a good time while I'm doing it.
