Cali, something you posted above has stuck with me. I thought about it last night. You said you feel your wife is happy having her family back but not ready for much more than that.
Strangely, I realized that is a lot like how I feel, what I want. I want my family unit back again. There is a huge comfort in that, it's safe and comfortable. I figure the connection with H would take time, something that would grow back over time as there has been so much damage done by us both.
So, I wonder if that is the case for your W. She must feel a huge comfort having you and S there. I know it must be frustrating that it is all on her terms, but it's all she can be right now. You guys are her rocks as she works through her issues....for whatever reason, it makes so much sense to me. Could be that was the case for me as I went through my own mini fog. I knew H loved me, I knew he was there for me, and him and S were like my lifejacket as I lashed about in the water.
I think you are very important to her, more than you know and way more than she can tell you right now. My H stood back and let me lash about until I was done, kind of like a parent who watches their child try to walk, but is there if they get hurt. IDK, just sounds like a place your W may be right now.
Wow. Thank you for posting this, mleigh. It makes so much sense to me, and you worded it very well. What a loving gift it is to stand by our spouse during their darkest hour. That’s real love!
Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
So as of now things are at least cordial, I do not think after the space I have given her (its been a busy week for us both allowing for minimal interaction... I continue to GAL) she truly wants to D nor even wants me to move out, but was forced into what she thought was a corner and that's how she has always attacked me knowing its effective. So it woke me up and made me realize I need to really back off and stay there, work on me, no expectations (as hard as that one is at this point) and just let her continue to work things out, realize its not her H that is to blame for her physical and mental health.
Yes, back up and regroup. Like my friend T-2 liked to say, you got this!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
