Recent Hurricane

[Fogg]

That's not an easy question to answer and really requires a bunch of other things to be learned first. I'm still working on that balance myself after almost a year but I've not had to deal with the intense cake eating either.

First off there's nothing you can do about the A so asserting yourself makes it seem like you can put your foot down and tell her to stop. You cant control her or tell her what to do. Shes an adult and can make the decisions on what she wants to do in life, you might not like it but you need to respect thats its her right to live the way she chooses. All you can do is tell her you wont live in an open M while she continues to have an A. This is how you live your life. If her being in the A is a deal breaker than you decide what to do.

You have a couple options here on what to do one way or another.

The first one is to just D her. File and be done with it. That's something you have to decide for yourself, no one else can. Not something that's generally advised because people tend to do it to get a reaction from their W in the hopes it will wake them up. It wont and it will backfire on you. Only file for D if you intend to D her and are completely done with the M.

The other option is to move forward with your life and be separated from her. DB and change into the man you want to be, keep your interactions with her polite and cordial but keep it "friendly neighbor" and about co-parenting. While shes in an A you aren't there to be her "gay boyfriend" or provide for her needs, shes has to experience the consequences of her actions BUT you cant do this in a rude or punishing way. Basically you turn into the man only a fool would leave. If she wises up and ends the A, or its dies out naturally as they tend to do, you decide what happens next. If shes willing to do the work to rebuild the M, then you decide if you are also.

Also, I'm not sure I would call her being in an A as you being the doormat. If she expected you to wash her laundry while she goes out with the guy, that's being a doormat. Standing for your M, even while shes in an A, is not being a doormat.

I hope someone else can chime in also because this is a pretty big topic and I'm sure I'm missing a lot.