I'm in no way done doing what I'm doing... Just thinking about the situation differently. I still love h, but i have to learn to love me more! Ha! I am proud of this new direction and am working consciously to keep my momentum going. Even caught myself singing Christmas carols last night! What what???!!! Also, my CEO called me into his office this morning to check on me and told me that the twinkle has come back in my eyes. (How special do i feel that I am one person in a 10,000 person company and my CEO recognizes me and cares about my well being?!?!) Makes me tear up just thinking about it because I was sooooooo sad for soooo long. I truly feel like I died back at bd. I remember a person stopping me at the grocery store a few months back- a stranger came up to me and asked, "what's wrong? It can't be that bad? How about a smile?" I remember being shocked and I just planted on the best fake smile I could muster. I was radiating pure sadness.
It's hard for me to post here. Mostly because I feel selfish sharing my thoughts (and trying to focus on daily wins to keep the positivity going- feels braggy and unlike me) but I think the hardest part is the fact that I literally have mere seconds of interaction with h each week and I truly don't know what does and what doesn't work in terms of the DB interactions... Makes it really challenging to pay it forward because all I am doing is working on me, my issues, and what I contributed to the m. I truly have a hard time sharing pearls or experiences with others, but at the same time I continue to be thankful for being able to read the personal details of everyone's experiences because it does help me and my perspective. I've learned a ton! Thank you.
With that said, I hope everyone has a great Christmas week! I decided no presents and decorations this year. Instead, I am going to cook a wonderful Xmas eve dinner for the fam at my parents place. And the following week I'm off to Seattle to visit with my best friend. Looking forward to vacation!
Today I'm grateful for: My work colleagues Heat! High speed internet
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
