I think its just a matter of appreciating what we have now and giving ourselves time to heal. Realizing that part of your life, while painful to remember right now, was a stepping stone to who you are now.

I can relate on the hospital, I know exactly that feeling. Just a couple weeks back I had to to go see W and S3 after she took him to the ER for pneumonia. All the feelings and pain came flooding back from the last time we took him to the ER, 2-3 weeks after BD. I remember sitting in that room with a cold woman who wanted nothing to do with me, texting OM for hours straight. Several hours into it we ended up having R talk, I remember staring off into the distance thinking the M really was all over, staring through the wall in a trance and thinking my life was over also.

I get other similiar reminders of the pain seeing her a couple times a week, swapping our two vehicles back and forth, her being in my apartment once or twice a week or me being in her house. Some of it does lose its power as time goes by. I think that's why I believe it's just a process of mourning the loss and living the life we have now. Seeing those memories as apart of our life story.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be