His 2nd MLC and I am driving the other way!

[HaWho]

Hi Mona - welcome and sorry you find yourself here.

Wow, you have really been through the meat grinder. I am so impressed that you did the hard work of building a successful career for yourself. That is truly admirable!

Obviously, all your feelings of loneliness are normal. It is very perceptive that you are connecting the chaos of your family of origin to wanting someone to make you feel safe.

You have said you are here for support. Well, here is mine.

This is the time in your life where you've come to a fork in the road. You recognize on a deep level why you feel unsafe. You have lots of choices. However, I will be honest here. You are in a very vulnerable place right now. You can go look for other people to be your rock. But, secretly you will always be scared you will lose that rock, too.

You have to become your own rock. This is the key to finding true "safety." Then, you alone hold the key to your way of life. You can do this! In the process you save yourself and you pattern survival to your kids.

My advice is this: think about what you would want your kids to do in this same situation. Then, pattern that. It is easy to fall into "little girl mode" when we have troubled family of origin issues. You have the opportunity here to show your kids how to handle adversity.

I think it probably starts with accepting the feelings you have about wanting to feel safe. There is probably tremendous processing that needs to go into all that. And, rather than looking for someone to fix those feelings for you, in the long run, if you put the time and energy into controlling those feelings now, you build your own fortress.