October 11

[Bfice3]

Hey All,

First, thank you all for reading my posts.

Mach, yes, I was mad at you. But, I pretty quickly figured out what you were doing, and I appreciated it, after I got done breaking down, again...

Cadet: Yes, I'm reading them. But, nowhere near anything like being able to practically use them. (Validations)

On to a few other things. As for my dad, I'm mourning his loss okay I guess, it [censored] but at this point its just one more thing. And when I said I had to handle it alone...I meant without my W, not entirely alone.

On the email and text. Yes, I recognize I handled it poorly. I realize I handled the whole scene yesterday poorly. I'm working on it, trying to get better.

I sent a response email last night to my W. I said I agree with W on meds, and that counselors are people and it may require trying a few before we find a good one. I also relayed to her what I told my D(15). I spoke with my D after the counseling session and told her that I've been through a ton of counseling and medications over the years, and that I'm just now learning that there is no magic wand, no cure. That its about developing healthy habits, for your thoughts, for your physical fitness, for your work ethic, and for your spirituality that ultimately lead to a person being happy. That medications can be a temporary help, but they are not meant to be long term solutions.

Back to Mach1: Thank you for your words. I hate that this is where I've lead my life. And learning to truly accept it is hard. I'm working very hard, and taking this as the most important things I've ever done. Whether or not it will work out, I don't know. But its nice to finally have a place I can come and discuss these things. And learn.

Azzork: You are completely right. And yes...it was pursuing. God, I just want her back so bad. It hurts so much to accept and treat her like someone that isn't my wife. She was getting mad at me, and I didn't know how to handle it. She was ready for me to leave and I didn't want to leave with her being mad at me. Co-dependence.