Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (10)

[PigPen]

Thanks every one for your kind responses. Even a drop in by Sandi!

Sandi I've read everything you've written on here and gained much inspiration from it, thank you for all of the work you do.

Of course, without fail, as soon as I had posted my new thread the Universe reached out to test me. I got a phone call letting me know that one of my longstanding clients was in the ER with abdominal pain, so I went in to lend her some support.

She just happened (thanks Universe) to be in the room next to where I spent two evenings with my STXW when after our miscarriage. Walking into the ER was like getting punched in the stomach.

My client ended up getting admitted and a few of us walked with her as she was wheeled to her room, and of course, we had to go right through the women's center that my STXW and I toured when we first found out she was pregnant. It was all I could do to remain sane.

I kept having to tell myself to take deep breaths and that it wasn't about me, it was about being present for my client. But my goodness do I not want to repeat that process or back to that ER ever again as my STXW was on my mind for the rest of the day no matter how many times I stopped and made myself breath nor how many of the "return to being present" tricks I tried on myself. She just dominated my thoughts.

I'm curious if it takes a replacement set of thoughts and memories to make these go away, or if in time I'll be able to look at the experience of being married to her, living with her, and our ups and downs as something positive and not heart wrenching.

Right now I feel like I've dissociated from any past with my STXW, I pretend that it never existed and then get reminders like this to shatter that protective thought pattern.

That was Sunday, here's to a new week for us all.

PP