Now you are starting into what DBing is all about....
A lot of people come here looking for that magic bullet, the one that will fix all of their woes, and turn their marriage into something from a Hollywood movie or something....
That isn't how DBing works...
Dbing is about changing yourself, and correcting all of the issues that helped contribute to the downfall of the marriage.
It is about finding the you that you have lost over the years, and finally seeing the light on the poor relationship habits that have been developed over time.
It is about recognizing our own behaviors that have plagued you, and even hindered you throughout the marriage.
I'm glad that you are seeing some of those things now, and I am glad that you are willing to take a look at what your contributions were helped break things down between the two of you.
You will grow, and you will change if you are willing to look within yourself, and allow it....
I know that I stung you the other day, and it was actually my intention to do so. I wanted to shake you out of your fort that you were building. The time you spent being pissed at me, was time that you weren't thinking about how crappy things were right now.
And with the DB process, if you can't handle me ?
Then how are you gonna handle a whacked out WAS when the spewing starts ???
First thing...
DO NOT count on your spouse to be any kind of parent right now. She may have been the absolute best Mother in the world leading up to this, and she may again one day set records and collect trophies for parenting. Yet for right now ?
She is gonna blow goats ass when it come to parenting, especially if she is MLC...
For now ?
You are a single parent, and should make your decisions from that standpoint.
And please...when it comes to texts and emails about the kids ??
Just answer her, whatever it is, send a reply. Even if it is just a " I received your email, and I am thinking about it". Or a simple " got it, thanks" text return. That part of it is about the kids, not the Marriage.
I'm not gonna break down the rest of your weekend, and I am sorry to hear about your Stepfather. I kinda always hated the "step" in there, other than to just clarify how this person came into one's life.
By what you describe, he was a Father to you....
Don't let what is happening around you, take away from properly mourning, and remembering this man, and whatever impact he made in your life.....
Lastly, I am going to ask Cadet to link the Validation link for you. I think it would help you immensely right now. Maybe even mention a couple books that would help you...????
Cadet, old buddy, old pal ????
B, you are going to get through this, even stronger than before. You are going to have extreme highs, and probably even more extreme lows, but you are gonna survive, and before you know it, even thrive....
You may be with your current spouse, or you may not..
Nothing that you say will change anything right now, yet everything that you say will change things right now....
You are NOT gonna talk your way out of something, that you acted your way into....
