What do you do with (ex) relatives who are collateral damage?
Yes, this has been difficult for me. When I visit my parents and have to run to the store, I basically drive by the ex-ILs house and I have the urge to stop by and visit like I used to. Often when I went there I would stay with the ILs myself. Now I'm welcome but on the outside and it's clearly not the same. Something else lost.
They both made it clear to me early on that they weren't taking sides really, that they were simply saddened by the situation. Of course, she's their daughter, so there's that...but she's been doing extreme things since she was a teenager and I think they have a sense of what I've been dealing with...as they have also been aware of my mistakes in the past. They also know my track record, though, and have seen me standing for something, hanging in and working to build up. So while they don't want to get in the middle of things, I think they at least sympathize.
I've wanted to see them previously but I didn't want to put them in an awkward position and thought it best I keep my distance. Gave them a quick call at Thanksgiving...sent a Christmas card.
But I'm mainly visiting because of the illness. It's quite serious and he's awaiting a procedure/operation. The diagnosis was missed several months ago and he actually could've died at any time. He's late 60s, long time smoker, has already had one minor heart attack and one major. I think he will make it to the surgery and that will be resolved for now, but this could also be the last time I see him, and that is very sad for me.
