Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Oh, Jpeg! I hope you and your children have the most amazing vacation this year. It sounds like such an adventure, and I am so happy for you all. Be safe, and above all, have fun! Take notes, so you can come home and tell us all about it. We'll miss you!
Back from the trip. The kids had an amazing time! It was hot hot hot . This was the perfect place for kids of all ages but especially young adults. There were a lot of kids their age they hung out with, lots of beach, pool, social activities. We ate lunch and dinner together everyday and hung out all afternoon at the pool. Let me just say they had a lot of fun and are now exhausted. It's the old "need a vacation from the vacation" time.
I loved seeing my kids have so much fun. We have never done this kind of trip before ( all inclusive as young adults)
Christmas was different. It was hard for me. I went to mass alone ( it was in Spanish) and I cried. I felt very lonely.
Once H found out we were gone he came to house to get some of his stuff but discovered the locks were changed (if he had informed me he was coming over I would have told him ) he got so angry he sent me a message saying that I had "changed the rules of the game" by locking him out of his house and by taking the kids away at Christmas
I sat in the lobby weeping as I read this. Here I had gone on this trip to get away from the weight of all this, the pain of all this and his message made me feel like I had done this horrible thing. HE IS LIVING WITH OW !!! Is that not a game changer? Wth????
I replied first by telling him this wasnt a game it was our lives and he wasn't locked out he could use automatic opener and it was a unanimous decision by the kids to go away during Christmas. They had every opportunity to see him before going and they chose not to. And then I said something I probably shouldn't have. I told him how much pain I have been in and how much I love him. And the thought of him and "her" going into our home while we were away was torture
I am glad that I was able to give my kids this opportunity but I did not feel refreshed or renewed by going away. It was hard to be there without H I thought of him constantly I ended up crying to a couple about him this was a very nice couple who's kids were hanging out with my kids. They were telling me how my youngest was concerned and wanted me to meet and hang out with other adults. They thought this was so sweet
I just feel like this trip made things so much worse with H
When we got home we discovered he had broken in the back door and damaged the door - now it doesn't lock. He took more of his stuff but left presents under the tree - the kids were really angry
Continue to do what works for you. locking doors, going on vacations etc. I know how much You want to rationalize it to husband, but it won't work. He just can't see that right now.m Keep doing what works for you. Be selfish. Personally I feel like if it upsets him and changes the rules of the game it's even better. But that is me looking at it from an outsiders point of you. I know how hard it is when it's your situation.
I am happy that you and family had a great time on the trip. I think in early spring I'm gonna take kids away somewhere too.
We all have set backs regarding what is said to WAS. How could we not. They were our spouses and parents to our children for many years. It will get easier though. Make GAL top priority. Love yourself more then you love him. He doesn't deserve that love right now. It's hard to see, but you have the upper hand in this long term...the kids/finances/your in the right.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Jpeg - I'm happy for your sake that the kids had a really good time. I know that was your main purpose in going. Did you manage to have a fairly good time before H contacted you? I hope so. Sounds like the mealtimes were great for all of you. I thought about you often.
I know H has disturbed you with that e-mail, but please, take it from me, I recognize the signs of a middle-aged tantrum. H is used to running the show. He's used to you doing what he wants you to do. He's with OW, and you're weepy and sad - missing him. He KNOWS this - and it pleases him. It adds to the ego trip he is on. Imagine how his ego was hurt when he got home and discovered that you weren't just keeping everything the same, patiently waiting for his return. Of course he had a temper tantrum!
Remember, above all else, when you're dealing with an adult going through MLC, you are dealing with an extremely juvenile version of that person. EVERYTHING is all about them. How dare you change the locks to HIS house?!? Never mind that he doesn't live there anymore. How dare you and the kids be away having fun without him? They're supposed to be sitting at home, missing him as much as you are. He will not allow himself to believe THEY don't want to see him. For him, it's got to be something you did - he's so wonderful, his kids would be delighted to have him in their lives if it weren't for his wicked witch of a wife. All he has to do is ask OW - she'll be glad to agree with him.
You should contact the police about the broken door. I know you won't, but you should. H does not reside in that house. He did not have permission to be in it while you were away. He broke in - that's breaking and entering, Jpeg. He could have burned the house down while he was busy having a tantrum. The kids are right to be angry - you should be, too.
I know exactly why you aren't. It breaks my heart for you. H will continue to take advantage and do whatever he pleases until it is proved to him he cannot. You can't make anything worse than it is, if you think about it. He's living with OW! He's abandoned his wife and children! He's living life like he's a 17 year old. What's he going to do? Hate you? Like all 17 year olds, he will eventually get over it. You need to show him that you are not his property. He doesn't get to run over you any more. You'll at least earn his grudging respect. You don't even have that at the moment.
I want you to sit down and write out every wonderful thing you remember about the trip. No negatives! If you're not careful, the actions of H will overshadow what was truly a gift for you and your kids - an adventure. Write it all down, so that you can go back and remember whenever you need to. H doesn't deserve one more second of time stolen from your trip.
I'm here for you, Jpeg. I truly get where you're coming from. Stay strong, okay?
Wow, Ancaire, you nailed it. Hi Jpeg, I'm glad you and the kids had a good time. Please consider Ancaire's post, it hit the bullseye. Welcome back, sorry your here. Be strong
