The Next Day...

[mahhhty]

1 day at a time. Absolutely right PP.

My birthday was the other day in between posts. I woke up to X-MIL saying Happy Birthday to me on FB (the first person), 50 min later X-FIL texts me saying it as well. All X relatives come across at some point to say it.... However the day ended and XW did not. Interesting but not surprising. I had the kids from Wed to Tonight, and she only called tonight.

I've seen a lot of friends over the last couple days and all conversations (in this area... D, XW, etc), have lead to a moment in which the conversation mimic's the one I posted about a couple days ago.

I was crashing at a friend's last night while on travel. Him and his W are very good friends of mine (their wedding was this past August). They both loved my W, when she was my W. Now they are skeptical and protective. They are well educated individuals and she is a therapist with a specialty for trauma victims and people with mental health disorders.

So our conversations are good ones and tend to challenge me (which I enjoy). We started talking about the process of letting go. Subsequently, discussing my concerns of letting go, and her coming back later.

My friend's W asked me these questions:

- Do you want her to come back?
- How long are you willing to wait?
- Don't you feel as if you are putting your life on hold?
- You said her coming back would be the best thing for the family, but would it be the best thing for you?

I'm still not sure how I would answer these questions (mostly 1 and 4).

This self-righteous support dependent woman I know now, I wish I had never known. This woman who in a year has not discussed sports for the kids, schooling for the kids, or any kind of parenting and has missed two screenings for our kids.... I wish I did not know her. But there was a woman, who is now a memory, who was a great Mom. I'm not sure why... OM, Trauma of S's birth, Kidney Disease, Me... But I know I don't have to know. It's her life. Her path.

BTW.... I'm going to start putting myself out there. It will be difficult and perhaps awkward in the beginning, but I deserve to have fun and deserve to meet new people.