New or false hope?

[JulieH]

Zues, thank you for your earlier comments. It is comforting to know that you were able to overcome your anger and that you wish for your wife to recover. When I feel hope and happiness for my own future, I do think that way about my husband as well. To be honest though, I would have to be happy and in love and in a great relationship before I would wish for his happiness . I guess my ego is too tied to this.

Fo lol. I could see my husband writing a post similar to that. It really is all a matter of perspective. He keeps saying all the time, "I tried for years". In hindsight I think he did, in his own way. And I wish I could go back. It is about 180s though and when I detach from him, the only thing that will save us would be if he actually pursued in a big way.

right now I have this fantasy that husband will buy me something really big on Christmas that symbolizes he is invested in our relationship. Something costly since I feel that all he cares about is the money he stands to lose (I have never cared about receiving gifts from,him or anyone. It actually receives the least points on my LL test). But I want to be pursued. I want to know I am I important and that I will be first priority. Because for a long time I have not felt that me nor our family was a priority. I know he cannot communicate with me. Supposedly I take things he says incorrectly and it leads to a fight. I am angry though and the more time that goes by, the more I villify him and possibly rewrite history. For me to now do that, I need to see that he cares. Not someone stonewalling me.

Ancaire, thanks for your post and support. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am angry and it makes it hard. Husband said he wants to give reconciliation a try but He has made no effort at all. absolutely none. A man that wants his wife and family back should be willing to out his pride on the back burner. He is the one that left and rebutted all of my attempts for reconciliation. And for all I know, he is just trying to get me to work full time so his legal expenses won't be through the roof. He made a remark about how he won't be able to reside here anymore because of child support. I am even predicitng he is looking to move out of state and justify leaving kids, by claiming its due to me and his inability to afford child support. (I should have been named Cassandra because I have an eerie way of predicting things like this). Ok let me not get upset about something that did not happen....

I do need a name change though like Fo