I can not believe it, it's officially been 6 months since I moved out... And 6 months and 1 day that I've been DBing. I never, in a million years thought h and I would be "here," furthermore I can't believe its been half a year since we've had any meaningful interactions. It's just crazy! Ha ha- I remember my first set of DB goals included h and I going out again w/in three weeks and me moving back by August. Ha ha ha ha! I had even thought about how much it would cost me to break my 4 m lease. I'm actually smiling as I type this because it's just hilarious! I had no idea the road ahead of me at that time.
The good news is I can honestly say that I haven't wasted one single day during this entire separation. Yes, there were days where I didn't even get out of my pjs, but it was because I was reading and learning about myself, relationships, communication etc. I am proud of myself for taking the opportunity to really look inwards and make necessary changes. I met a young woman earlier this week who told me she was getting divorced because he husband cheated on her... She was angry and bitter and badmouthing him... I wanted to tell her about DB and this site, but hesitated because we literally just met and did not seem keen on any feedback/advise. I felt sad for her because she did what feels natural and that is to shout her anger from the rooftops and prove that she's the better person for not cheating. I don't know that she'll look inwards and see what a "gift" something like DBing truly is. She could come out of a heartbreaking experience a much better person.
I've been doing well. Early on I was going crazy to improve myself with the end goal of getting h back. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I was finally able to take the attention off him and onto myself and that has made a world of difference. I am so thankful that 40 lb brick on my chest has dissipated. It feels good to breathe again without that unending anxiety about my sitch. I feel much lighter!
I made it to a point that I am not so sure I would take h back. Not that it's an option, but really I feel like I am like 60/40. That's crazy for me to feel because I told myself every single day "never give up". " never give up on the people you love" "be still be patient"... Yada yada yada.
Anyway, just wanted to journal a bit... This forum has been a true blessing. I'm an introvert by nature so coming to a forum like this has been a 180 and even posting on other threads (as minimally as I do- something I want to improve on) is also a huge 180 for me. The people here are really special and I hope the best for everyone this holiday season and I think we're all going to have a rocking 2016!
Three gratitudes for today 1) auto coffee makers! 2) dog snuggles 3) online church- so I can sip coffee, while snuggling with dog, and get in touch with my spiritual side. ( oh yeah and never having to leave this warm comfy bed to enjoy all those things)
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
