The holidays will be difficult for all of us PP but keep looking forward to what you have built for yourself. These interactions with W may help you continue to learn about yourself at the very least. She seems to have her own issues to work out still and there's not much you can do about that anyway. Keep being awesome.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Isn't it surprising the clarity we get in some moments? You're right; someone on a higher plane wouldn't need to point that out or even bring up reconciliation if it wasn't on the table. I think maybe she was temperature taking? Seeing what you would do.
The holidays are naturally hard for any of us. I would encourage you to focus on Woofie and yourself.
Wish I could give you a hug back,
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Some moments bring insight wrapped in unsettled emotion. Sit with a quiet mind and reflect on what the universe is revealing. See it with your heart, not with your ego.
The holidays will be difficult for all of us PP but keep looking forward to what you have built for yourself. These interactions with W may help you continue to learn about yourself at the very least. She seems to have her own issues to work out still and there's not much you can do about that anyway. Keep being awesome.
Many thanks for this Fogg. You're right, none of my plans or exciting new advancements have changed. Appreciate this, I read it when I first got home and it helped me pull out of the funk.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Isn't it surprising the clarity we get in some moments? You're right; someone on a higher plane wouldn't need to point that out or even bring up reconciliation if it wasn't on the table. I think maybe she was temperature taking? Seeing what you would do.
The holidays are naturally hard for any of us. I would encourage you to focus on Woofie and yourself.
Wish I could give you a hug back,
E
I'd take that hug and more E. I know you're struggling too so I appreciate your insight. I'm glad that when she tells me things like that my brain freezes so I don't start laughing again. I'm sure the Dalai Lama lets his underlings know how dense they are too.
I'm going to have a great week, even though it's going to be hard. Woofie and I have hikes planned, beach days, and immense steak consumption. He's going to get returned to my STXW twelve pounds heavier. He weighs in at forty pounds right now, at fifty pounds he's going to be even more handsome.
Sending you some big squeezes back E.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Some moments bring insight wrapped in unsettled emotion. Sit with a quiet mind and reflect on what the universe is revealing. See it with your heart, not with your ego.
Very wise Mutatio. I agree. I'm going to meditate on this. I am getting insight, and it does pinch at my ego. It does.
You're right, sitting with this with my heart will show me what it truly is.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I wish I could get good at what Mutatio is suggesting. I'm still somewhat stuck in the cycle of reacting. I'm working hard to get beyond that. I've accepted nothing is going to change the current course. I've got to get better at stopping behavior that locks and bolts the door permanently.
My H is abusive now, no question. He wasn't always this way. As a matter of fact, until this life overhaul, he was the most gentle man I'd ever known. That's part of the reason I'm convinced something has happened to him.
I had a thought the other day, not that I expect him to listen to me, but he started testosterone supplements through the doctor this year. The increasing dosage seems to correlate strongly with his changing personality. Could it be a blend of T supplements along with MLC? I'm really starting to wonder...
I wish I could get good at what Mutatio is suggesting. I'm still somewhat stuck in the cycle of reacting. I'm working hard to get beyond that. I've accepted nothing is going to change the current course. I've got to get better at stopping behavior that locks and bolts the door permanently.
My H is abusive now, no question. He wasn't always this way. As a matter of fact, until this life overhaul, he was the most gentle man I'd ever known. That's part of the reason I'm convinced something has happened to him.
I had a thought the other day, not that I expect him to listen to me, but he started testosterone supplements through the doctor this year. The increasing dosage seems to correlate strongly with his changing personality. Could it be a blend of T supplements along with MLC? I'm really starting to wonder...
To get good at what Mutatio is suggesting Judy is a practice. A daily practice. A situation by situation practice.
I can't play the guitar but I wish that I could play as well as others. I know I can't play because twice a year when I pick it up to see if I've gotten better at I'm always disappointed by the outcome.
If you're not a mediator, there is nothing that will better prepare you to be unreactive than the practice of meditating. Just 5 minutes a day will sow the seeds. Imagine if I'd played the guitar for just 5 minutes a day for the last 5 years, I'd definitely have a better grasp on it than I do.
Sounds like the hormone levels in your H could be a correlate here, but it may not be the cause. I know a lot of men on T and they're still leading normal lives. It may have brought your H out of a low level depression, but you are correct it may also be the catalyst for a lot of his anger.
Keep the focus on you here, entirely on you. Another practice that goes hand in hand with DB'ing is "letting go". This morning I was reminded again that WHY my W doesn't want to be with me right now is still irrelevant - she just doesn't want to be with me. She could be telling me the truth, lying, or not know herself. Obsessing or trying to figure out why she's this way won't get me anywhere as the answer will most likely change or I am reacting to false information. All I can do is focus on me.
Keep working the DB principles, keep taking care of yourself and letting your H do his own thing. Develop a practice of mindfulness and a practice of letting go and your whole situation will change.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Keep working the DB principles, keep taking care of yourself and letting your H do his own thing. Develop a practice of mindfulness and a practice of letting go and your whole situation will change. PP
PP - Thank you. Everything you said was so very helpful, but the above? Golden. I'm copying that down right now. I'm having a rough time, obviously - and this what just what I needed at this moment.
