dday, getting out of the muck

[Fogg]

I've fought myself on how to interact many times with W in the past. I guess I'll just give you the advice my coach gave me. You want to do whatever it takes in your off time that puts a bounce in your step. Enjoy life so when you are around her your happy. Ad far as the communication do thr same as we always have heard. Polite, pleasant, but let her lead things. Keep yourself busy with other things if you don't want to talk to he too much, but don't be rude/cold about it. I remember that struggle of just wanting to go dark and ignore her. This is her life and choice afterall, why would it be so bad to just go dark on her so she has to deal with the Co sequences of her actions. But then I have to ask myself, is that what the man only a fool would leave would do. Those interactions, while painful, do have an effect of attracting her back if done right. But I think you already know that, the balance is making it so you keep the interaction to do that but still allow her to experience the consequences of her actions and not cake eat.

If I'm honest, sometimes I see things happen in other sitches and realize it's not happened in mine and wish it did. W does hug me, doesn't tell me she's proud of my changes. I don't get see the emotion directly from her this decision to D and break apart our family was difficult. I don't even get D paperwork that gives an ending to this. In fact what rattles around in my head was when the monster was out about a month or two after BD and she told me "the decision to D you was the easiest decision I ever had to make. I'm just dealing with other things on my mind right now". I know better than to believe it but it still hurt. What bothers me more was she was able to say such a hurtful thing, true or not, without any regard to how it might make me feel. It's the same with what she told you, don't believe it, but I understand why it hurts.

Still, we hold ourselves to do better. Not because they didnt, but because it's who we want to be.