December Evolution / Taking a stand.

[Zues126]

Hey Ancaire, good for you for being you. I know I'm not 'normal' in some senses...I get a bit manic. Before I was on low dose meds I would be up half the night, writing, studying, rehearsing meeting presentations, whatever. I'd get going like a runaway train...then I'd have some really hard times too, truly low, the kind of low that most people thankfully don't know. I've learned a few things and have come a ways since then, but still...I'm not your average bear. I appreciate you speaking so openly about this because it helps us bust the myth of everyone else being 'normal'. I like the fact that you are tormented a bit by these things. To me it means I can trust you because you care, whereas most people apparently don't.

Yeah, sending the letter would be a disaster. But obsessing about the question, that's all good. See my post on my thread about obsessing.

Just remember that WAH has no clue why he's doing what he's doing. He's not thinking ahead. He's like a kid that is selling candy bars for his school, and he decides to eat all of the candy bars and spend the money he had already collected at the arcade. Why did he do this? Well...he likes candy, and he likes the arcade. Does it occur to him that he'll get in fierce trouble, that he can't keep something like that a secret, that the consequences aren't worth it and he'll regret his decision? No, because he's a kid. Well, WAH is like that. He's just a stupid kid. One that instead of costing his parents $25 in candy bars, will instead destroy a family.

The only thing that keeps me from going crazy is looking in the mirror. There are many things I 'should' do that I don't, and many things that I 'shouldn't' do that I do. I am not perfect. And while I still feel like the world is divided into 'committeds' and 'family destroyers', I know this isn't rational. We are all flawed. Some people drive drunk. Some people drink excessively. Whatever.

So keep stewing on it, keep talking about it until you find peace, but yeah, leave him out of it