Depression causes memory problems. Also, the wires in their heads are just a jumbled mess right now because they are operating on pure emotions, i.e., not thinking like a rational human being.
If he wants to do something nice, let him (unless you feel uncomfortable w/him doing things for you). As HaWho stated, accept the help, thank him for it, but don't fall into the trap of thinking that things are changing for him. They crave attention, good or bad. As children, most of them didn't receive recognition/praise. So, "mom" when your man/child does something nice...say thanks or I appreciate your help.
As you detach, you will begin to see just how emotional he will get and yes, a lot of what they say and do will appear irrational to you, but it doesn't to them. That's why it's important to not believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do.
Try to keep the focus on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
