She Wants Me to Leave 3rd Time .....EA or not EA?

[isittoolate]

Last night and early this morning has well and truly screwed up most of my Dbing efforts to date.

W has been on the edge all week holding it together as her Fathers health has deteriorated rapidly. She has hated him most of her life as he sexually abused her as a child (aged 3/4). But now he is on his deathbed she feels she loves him dearly and doesn't want him to die and wants another 6 months to 'put things right' and show him she loves him but he is likely to die in weeks if not days.

Last night she went out with the girls. I knew she would be back very late and likely get v drunk. Most bars close at 3/4am.

I woke at 5am and she wasnt home. She had never before stayed out so late. I was worried so called her but got voicemail.

At 5:25 I got up and went to the window. There was a taxi at the end of the drive. I went back to bed but she didn't come in. I went to look again and could see a figure swaying by the drivers door. It looked like she was snogging him!

I got dressed and went out - they weren't snogging just talking. I was standing hands on hips she looked as me appalled at my aggressive stance and told me to go in. I did but after a few minutes went back out.

She was exchanging phone numbers with him!

She went in , I confronted her and a massive. massive fight ensued lasting hours.

She said he was being kind and his mum had died a few years ago,and she was just talking about her dad. She said the phone number meant nothing and she would not have rang him.

I shouted at her, tried to get her to see my point of view, said she was disrespectful, said if any other husband of her friends saw their wives exchange numbers with a cab drivers they would kick his ass.

I said she was being naive and the cab driver just wanted to screw a beautiful, vulnerable woman.

She slapped me! Never has she hit me before.

Our boys woke up and heard us rowing and S11 heard about the taxi driver. He sat outside the MBR listening. She hates the fact they had to hear anything as they have never heard us fight and have always been 100% protected.

I argued that she would talk to the taxi driver, exchange numbers , but not talk to me.

The row continued with less shouting, W opened up about the child abuse she suffered and her feeling for her dad, how she never told anyone - she went to her friends from 4-5am to talk about it. Her friend had an abusive father and she hated him until he died - but them loved him. W says her friend is the only one who understands her pain.

the arguments went round in circles with her saying I was out of order making her awful day a lot lot worse - me saying what i had saw from the window and why did you exchange phone numbers.

At the end it was past 8am .

W said she couldn't forgive the fact that I has made the worst night of her life a lot worse - she was angry and hurt.
She cant trust me to be supportive of her.
In her real time of need - I wasnt there for her.
I had made it about me - when she is grieving for her Father.
Also what right did I have to order her about - as we were estranged - she used that word several times.
I talked about integrity and trust and use the word husband several times - she said were estranged.

At this stage I was validating but also trying to get her to see what I had see from the window and the exchange of phone numbers.

She doesn't think she did anything wrong except maybe stay out too late and not let me know where she was - she never has done that before either.

So now she is sleeping - I am wide awake. its 9:45am

She said several times 'this changes everything' 'this will precipitate a conversation' - in other words the next R talk is coming and she wants a D.

What a F&ck up!