[BrightFuture]

So, more strange things happening lately. Both H and not H related. First, at the holiday party on Thursday we had a raffle for the gifts. Everyone got something. Our IT boss did great job ensuring that all of us won a prize. One of the gifts was a selfie stick. I gave it away at one of the other party at white elephant exchanges. When I bought it for that gift exchange I thought I would like to have one for me as well. I had a thought at the time that I might win it at one of the holiday parties, and if not, I would buy it for myself. So, when they were calling for a winning ticket on the selfie stick at out IT party, I was thinking that this will be me. And it was! How weird it that!

I was thinking what I wanted to do next weekend. We never celebrated Christmas, because H didn’t want to. He said that it is a religious holiday and it is way too much commercialized, so he didn’t want to participate. I was Ok with that, because I also never celebrated it, because there was no such thing when I grew up. I celebrated New Years. The way we celebrated it was a lot similar to Christmas. We put a tree and decorated it, we had a dinner and gave gifts. So, H adopted my family traditions and actually loved it.

However, if we were invited somewhere for a Christmas dinner, we would go. For example, his brother (my BIL) did this a few times, and our friends in Mexico. So, this year, I was thinking what I would do for Christmas. My sister and her family left for a week vacation. My son and his GF are going to her family gathering. So, I e-mailed my friends in Mexico asking them about their plans. I was thinking that they would probably like to come over and visit with me and we could have a dinner and a great time.

So, this is another strange thing… My Mexican GF replied to me that they actually WERE planning to come over to visit me! But, she cannot do it because of some circumstances at her work. She then tells me that they are going to have a Christmas dinner at their house, and that a couple of friends (who I know) are going to join them. And… this is another weird thing… that my H is going to be there too. And she wants me to come over…

I e-mailed her back asking to confirm with her H that they are absolutely sure that they want me there. I also asked her to find out if H knows that they are inviting me too and if that would change his plans. I told her that I didn’t want to spoil it for everybody, I would find other options for the holidays.

The e-mail I got back from her completely confused me. She said that H was supposed to go to another party, but then he met this other friend (who was at my mutual friends Christmas dinner last year) at the pool and they decided that they wanted to come over to my friends’ dinner. I was speechless… I had to read that e-mail next morning again, to make sure I got it right. The thing is that this guy is a pastor, and very religious. So, my H, known as mister Grinch in the past, wants to come over for a Christmas dinner, knowing that there will a religious connotation to it. AND… he doesn’t mind me being over there too… And… my GF is insisting that I come over…

I told her that I would have to think about this… I did… for 2 days… I’m still not 100% sure… But, I think I will go… I’m just so curious… I might be setting myself for a good deal of hurt, and this is where I need some help. I don’t want to make anything of it, except that H is being weird. I don’t want to have any expectations. I’m conditioning myself that I just want to confirm that H I used to know and love is long gone, and this H is not the guy I want anyway. I did this with my first XH. I went on the date with him after some time into the separation, and I confirmed to myself that I was DONE, I didn’t want to be with this guy. So, is this going to be another experiment? As of today, I think I can handle it. It would also be my absolutely rare chance to show H how different I am now. Not that it would probably matter anyway to him, but it would feel great to me!

Feel free to give me 2x4… I know that my other GFs would say that I’m just inflicting more pain on myself and being masochistic… I’m thinking that I’m looking for a closure… one way or another…