Don't be too hard on yourself. The situation [censored], like a lot. I know. I think you are at a turning point, where the things will start to look up.
As long as there is love in your heart, there is hope. But you do have to work on yourself. Leave her be, let her be, heal now, improve to pinn 2.0, there is sooooooo much progress that is within your reach. You can finally become the man you wanted to be. Live now, breate, learn to love yourself again, learn to love life, feel the rain, find the inner child again. Feel how rain feel on your skin, go out in snow and try catching flakes with your tongue...
Stay strong buddy, you are not alone in this pot of crap...
