Stumbling, or moving forward?

[SciDad]

Not sure why but W was paying me all sorts of attention last night. Helped set the table for dinner, kept complimenting me. I'm not sure, but it might have something to do with my attempted show of detachment (fake it till you make it, right?).

She ordered a lot of new clothes online and as she was showing them to me (putting them on and twirling) it was clear she wanted me to say how hot she looked in them. I didn't give her the satisfaction and only said that she looked nice. To add the the effect I had been practicing my guitar and kept working on scales as she was talking to me. I unconsciously stopped when she was talking about the kids or how her day went. I think the funniest part is that I didn't even realize I was doing it until afterwards. Oops.

My only explanation is that 1) I've been working on my listening skills, and 2) I'm not a total a$$. I also like the inadvertent dichotomy my actions created when she started fishing for compliments (which is when I strummed away).

After dinner she made a point of watching a movie with me and we watched a show together in bed. So I guess I got the quality time I was seeking. Which is also where I'm confused - when I mention something like "I'd really like X", she actually listens and does it. I still haven't figured out if it's because she cares or if she simply wants me to stay happy while she does whatever it is she's doing. Oh, and I also noticed that she planned her schedule so there is no time at all to physically see the OM during the week. The contrarian in me says it could be a smokescreen and the real activites are planned at other times, but it's still something I noticed. Oh, and her year-long standing lunch with the OM (excuse me while I barf in my mouth a little) has been canceled for over a month. Now. Nothing was said to me, but she's either been skipping lunch or eating with someone else on those days. I will say that I don't have any hard intel on this - I'm limited to what she tells me at the end of the day (every day she tells me what she did for lunch as part of the normal conversation) and how much she eats for dinner (she can't eat much if she had a decent lunch).

I'm not perfect, though, and apparently my subconscious took a few steps backwards because when I woke up this morning I was spooning my wife and grabbing her boob. I was disappointed with myself since I'd managed to not do that for almost 2 weeks. But I still enjoyed it enough to spend about 15 minutes like that before rolled out of bed. What can I say - I'm not a saint and did I mention it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex?

Anyway My W is out running errands now and so far I'm haven't gotten caught in my usual paranoia of where she is. After all, I've got the kids to play with and my personal growth to attend to. In a lot of ways it's nice to have her leave every now and then