Recent Hurricane

[NateG79]

Thanks for the reply trumpet. The Ideal NateG79 is well on the way. I've lost close to 28 lbs. I'm 6'0" 174 lbs. I'm fairly lean nowadays. Lol, I don't know what possessed me but I decided for the first time ever to start growing somewhat of a beard. Have no idea why. I pray daily. That's a big one, I have recently come back into a more consistent relationship with God. I pray for my family, the OM's wife and kids, the situation, my WW. I can say that I'm not pursuing. I've definitely dropped the rope, and I'm not playing the tug of war game. I do realize we need time to heal, and that's fine. I do have a tendency to be impatient, and limbo is not good for me. It's the most difficult thing to deal with. If it was just us being separated, that would be one thing, what really drives me nuts is that there is OM involved. I have no idea how deeply, but it confuses the situation nonetheless. But, my biggest issue is misreading her cues. She wants to have this R talk, and it scares me as most days I'm somewhere between full on panic, and mellowed out by lorazapam. I don't know what it is about when women saying they want to talk, which causes men to throw themselves off the cliff. Anxiety attacks and PTSD are another factor I constantly have to fight. When I'm with my D, I spend all my time playing with her, reading with her, being with her. Like you trumpet, I've pretty much lost all desire for the old days of Video Games and toys. I'm working out more often than I did. I do have a lot of friends to get out there and do things with, which is really good for me. I have the benefit of all my family and support network being very helpful. They all want this to workout. No one's holds a grudge towards my WW. They all wish to see our family restored through God. Thanks for listening.