The point of the frog story was not "get out while you can". The point was that to save yourself, you need to understand and adapt to your surroundings.
In calling you the frog, I was pointing out that you can see your surroundings changing, but you are not adapting to them. And as such, you are going to be in big trouble.
I can't believe we're doing this same cycle with you again. I feel like that's the 50th time I've read that same post and I can almost see what you will write next. I said no more talking about how much this will effect the kids and you listed off you same old fears. I'm sorry ATP but I think I have to back out of your thread also until you take some of the advice you have been given over and over. Good luck, I understand how difficult this is for you and I truely feel for you but at some point you have to follow your own path.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I have changed in many ways and these changes are for me I like the new ghost my children like the new ghost and perhaps in time my W might like the new ghost.
I tried to understand that I have to let things go and for me I will try to work on my fear
Max sometimes well actually mostly I seem to miss what your trying to say.
I will keep working in making ghost a better person I do not divorce bust very well I am going to re read some of my earlier threads
My sitch changed from me thinking that my W was upset because I did not do enough with the kids and the house work but it comes down to she felt neglected and abused
I have no control of what she does I can and will be the man that I want to be
Thanks
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
The point of the frog story was not "get out while you can". The point was that to save yourself, you need to understand and adapt to your surroundings.
In calling you the frog, I was pointing out that you can see your surroundings changing, but you are not adapting to them. And as such, you are going to be in big trouble.
Azz I am trying to adapt trying to let go detach I will keep reading other people posts and see if I can pick up on what I need to be doing
Thank you
Learn and adapt.
Last edited by ATPeace; 12/19/1504:58 PM.
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
ATP, it seems a little strange to me that as people are opting out of this thread I am choosing to post, but I feel ya.
I see you as wide eyed with panic. You probably look almost the same to everyone in your daily life, but fear and sadness of what is in reality happening and of the scenarios your overactive brain is constantly creating is paralyzing your ability to focus on what is being said to you. And its hard to breathe with that boa constrictor around your chest.
You are trying to manipulate advice given to you in such a way that it seems people are telling you to walk away and lose everything and be depressed for ever and ever (victimhood) or to be able to say "yeah I've been doing that for a long time and nothing is working!Its all hopeless! Help me!" (Put up wall, shut down, back to victimhood).
Slow...Down. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME. You, and I I now realize, have not been in this sitch very long. REALLY. We are short timers. Changing little things about us over a few months is not sending a message to our spouses that we have made permanent changes. That is because we are...wait for this...STILL ONLY DOING IT FOR THEM. To be permanent, IT HAS TO BE FOR US, because it feel like we are better off REGARDLESS OF OUR MARRIAGE OR KIDS.
I believe you need to realize how much you are trying to control. The mere fact that you are in a panic about not being able to do anything right now and not knowing what to do shows how much you NEED to be in control. YOU ARE NOT. But, you can CONTROL YOURSELF.
Go to work. Smile. Engage. Be awesome at your job. Go for walks on your lunch hour. Ask people to walk with you. Ask them about their lives. Don't complain about yours.
Come home.Play with your kiddos. Talk to them about friends and school. Don't judge, just laugh with them empathize. Go for walks. Go do something fun. LET THEM PICK THE TOPIC OR ACTIVITY. IF they are so used to you doing it that they can't, GIVE THEM THREE CHOICES AND ASK THEM TO PICK ONE. If they say no drop it and save it for another time and don't be hurt by it. Shake it off.Tickle them. Give them noogies.
Greet your wife with a smile if and when you see her. Then go do something, fix something. Go for a walk. If she makes you dinner, tell her it is good and thank her. Clean up. If you cook, offer her some. If she says no. smile and say ok, then drop the subject.DO NOT TELL HER TO DO ANYTHING. DO NOT FOLLOW HER AROUND> GIVE HER SPACE. if you are lonely, go online or to a bookstore, or online to a bookstore. Research everything you can on validation, control issues, emotional response, emotional regulation, emotional reactivity, communication and detachment. LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASANTLY. DO NOT ASK HER HOW SHE IS OR HOW HER DAY WENT. DONT ASK HER ANYTHING.
Find other people to hang with...meetup.com, library, bowling league, church, naked camel racing...whatever interests you.
DONT THINK OF THE FUTURE. ITS NOT HERE YET. DONT THINK OF LEAVING. OR SELLING THE HOUSE. YOU AREN'T THERE YET.
SLOW...DOWN...NO EXPECTATIONS MEANS DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING.
DON'T LET YOUR FEARS AND WORRIES RULE YOUR MIND.
ok. I'm done now.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
First off please take this however you want or throw it away as maybe I am just in a mood. I also know I am by no means good at this but I have to say these things.
You changed your name, not sure why. You are worse than before in here. I understand we come here to vent but you are asking questions and getting answers then asking the same questions. You are not at peace
Here is the part that I am going to say that you won't like and I know it is hard for me to grasp also.
Your wife does not want you. She still lives with you out of convenience. There is nothing you can do to change her mind you can change 100% and it will not matter. She has to wake up one day and decide she does want you. You could rob a bank or save a dying child and it will make no difference. You could give her dying mothers kidney or pull the plug. It will not matter.
So what do you do? Of course you still pray for what you want and take advantage of instances to get it but you live your life like it will never happen. Don't do something that goes against what you want but stop trying to make it happen. She is not a new girl you are trying to get attention of. You already did that the game has changed. Now you have to let her sit.
Please stop Posting about fear. We all fear. If she leaves are you going to crumble up and shrivel away? I hope not. Life is what you make of it. Do not come back and say I just want my life to be my family. We get it. May not be in the cards right now. But maybe down the road. But maybe not if you don't live life!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
