Hello.

I've been in Newcomers for a while. Just signed D papers 10 days ago. Was here 10 years ago under a different nick (toughlover). It has been a rough 10 years but this year was our 20th anniversary and things had really been looking up for the last several years, or so I thought. Discovered sexual text messages between XW and her co-worker at a church where they work full time in church leadership. The co-worker was/is the husband of a friend of hers. Also found her passed out drunk.

I gave her a boundary after that: she needed to deal with the drinking and the infidelity with outside help and come clean with me about what's been going on--or get the advice of a MC we both agreed with about that--before I would continue moving forward in the relationship with her. She went to one AA meeting but said it wasn't for her. Supposedly went to IC but wouldn't discuss it with me. 3 months later, she announced she was leaving, and left to go stay with a friend. There was no discussion aside from her telling me "there was no affair, nothing to see here, you're overreacting because of where we've been before." My response was: I think you're under-reacting, especially considering where we've been before.

So she left in early Oct. Sent papers back and forth in November. And I just signed them 10 days ago...just in time for the holidays.

Have 2 grown sons over 18 who are upset by this. Oldest sees her minimally, youngest barely speaks to her but does meet her for lunch or dinner occasionally. Both have been spending a lot more time here with me, so I've enjoyed seeing them more. Silver lining I guess.

I'm still bummed from time to time but overall doing well with it all. Went to IC myself for a couple of months and once again (have been here before) got help with how to handle things with her as well as learn to accept the truth: that unless she made some extraordinary effort, she was never going to be faithful to me. She never really showed much remorse for doing those things. Acted with a real sense of defiance and entitlement once this came out (again).

Aside from her shenanigans, my life is really pretty good. Work is good and I enjoy it, have enjoyed mild success at it. Kids are healthy and I have a pretty good relationship with them. Have supportive family and some friends. Activities I enjoy although I work an awful lot (but I enjoy it a lot).

Don't feel 'divorced' smile Not particularly sad but not sh!tting giggles either. Have plenty of decisions still to make (sell or refinance house, etc?) so not particularly focused on the future right now. Just taking things one day at a time. Kids are spending Xmas with me so looking forward to that.

Hope you all are well!