I told IC about the sex abuse W suffered as a child. IC said there is correlation between the two. We ran out of time and will explore the theories next time.
There's also a correlation between child sexual abuse and promiscuity/adultery.
Get a better recording device and try to record her on her birthday. IF there is currently an OM anywhere he's going to come out of the woodwork to support your wife during this grievous emotional time AND to celebrate her birthday. That thumb drive thing sounds like garbage. Get a bigger legitimate voice activated recording device and velcro it under her seat.
My best guess is it's likely she had a couple of sexual only liaisons with a good friend experimenting with some bondage stuff or whatever. Your wife bought sex toys last summer and didn't tell you about it. That's a pretty big red flag. These aren't personal devices...this was stuff to be used with someone. If I'm right, she's never going to tell you herself and the lie will continue to create a huge intimacy wall in your marriage. Try to get the truth yourself. She's got to talk about somewhere along the line with either the guy OR, most likely, one of her girlfriends.
Get a better recorder - you'd be so far done with this snooping and either got the goods or discovered I was wrong if you'd only just bought a good recorder a month ago.
Side thought - If I'm right doing this is actually helping your wife out. If she's cheated - especially going into S&M stuff with 1 or more other men - AND she's the survivor of child sexual abuse - her self-esteem (no matter how cool she acts) is horrible. She KNOWS she has to tell you in order to have an intimate relationship with you again but she just can't bring herself to out of fear. She already feels worthless - so she behaves worthless. She probably feels you deserve better and she actually feels guilty pushing you away when you are obviously trying so hard. She rationalizes and justifies a lack of attraction for you in order to keep herself from suicide. She's left with either telling you, leaving/divorcing you OR continued stagnation (that you've experienced 1st hand for 3 years now). She vacillates between choices 2 and 3 because option 1, telling you, just doesn't work for her (you'll divorce her and take the kids and/or shame her publicly and never forgive her). She thinks option 1 takes away all options, she'll end up divorced and with all the blame and shame for that divorce.
You NEED to bust her (if I'm right) in order to save your marriage/family.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
