Just checking in. I see you got some sleep with the assistance of some meds, I have been there too. When I had my breakdown, a lot of could have been attributed to sleep deprivation. Sleep is really important for healing and for a clear mind when DBing.
Your description of how heightened and triggered you are around your anxiety causes me a lot of concern for you. What is your DB coach saying about this. It is great that conversations with them are assisting you to de-escalate, talking is good, better out than in. Have you told your DB coach that you are managing sleep with meds. Does you DB coach know how contact with W is triggering you.
Nate, you need a plan buddy to get some relief. I know you are working with DB coach on a plan which involves being cordial, neighbourly. But I do wonder if last night given how vulnerable you had been if it would not have been beneficial to put any R talk off. A simple sorry I know you need to talk, and I am willing to hear what you have to say but tonight I need space to digest a few things that I am working through personally.
Nate I know you want to be a great dad and H at this time. But running your cup to empty isn't going to help. Panic attacks take it out of you. I need a week just to recover from an anxiety. Please be kind to yourself and take/ask for you need to get through this. W isn't going anywhere, you share a child together. And her pattern is a strong push pull dymanic. Distance is an invitation for her come back in. I am not suggesting that you distance to manipulate, but distance to ensure your mental health first.
There is real wisdom in why the airlines suggest parents put their own oxygen masks on first. Nate no oxygen mask, no marriage no family. You first Buddy.
Please talk to DB coach about a strategy to deal with the panic attacks and sleepliness. I personally would be anticipating that they would be recommending a referral to an specialist in this area.
I hope you have some peace today, I there is a quiet space that provides some short term relief.
I'll stop by again Nate, and I hope to see some lovely experienced Vets and newcomers to drop by to see you and offer more DBing gold to you.
Keep posting Nate. While it maybe that none of us are experienced counsellors or therapists there is real friendship and integrity in boarders seeing each other thrive.
