If you haven't already done so, please protect your assets, i.e., finances, credit cards, savings, etc. Do a credit report to see if he's gotten some new credit cards that you aren't aware of. Check on your mortgage to ensure he's not taken out any loans against the house you are living in. If you have joint cards, remove his name from them asap or get your own cards, but have your name removed from the joint ones. Why the concern? Because they do tend to go off on spending sprees to make themselves feel better. If he's purchasing a house, I'm sure he's going to want to purchase new furniture, etc., and you don't want those items to be coming from the funds you and your children need to survive.
Also, I would seek the advice of an attorney, not saying you'll need one...but it's always good to know what your legal rights are.
You have to find a way to accept that you can't convince him to return home or the marriage at this time. Remember...you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. Generally, we they have dropped the bomb on us, they've been gone from the marriage emotionally for quite some time. They are about 18-24 months ahead of us in the detachment area because that's when something triggered the crisis.
You'll need to set some boundaries w/him because if you don't, he'll cake eat and that means the best of both worlds. Set up a visitation schedule for the children and adhere to it. Contact him if it's an emergency or child related...nothing more. If he calls, texts and/or emails, take your time in responding back. In other words, don't jump the phone the minute he calls. Give yourself a couple of hours or even a day to respond. Don't take the bait if he attempts to push your buttons. Change the subject or cut the conversations short if they become heated and then walk away.
Continue to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
