October 11

[Bfice3]

were you mean ? Did she know that you loved her ?

Yes, I have been mean. Yes, she has known that I loved her.

What does love mean to you ? What does it look like to you ?

How do you show it ? How do you receive it ??

I don't know how to begin to answer these questions in a forum like this. Compassion, Patience, Spontaneity, Forgiveness, Caring. I don't know what to say. Am I good at showing love? I dont know. I don't know anymore.

Why do you want that ??

Yes, comfort, security, happiness, emotional connection. I don't know. Somehow, I feel like every answer I'm giving is suddenly wrong...in fact, I feel like I'm having this conversation with my wife.

What is it that you can see in my words this quickly that I can't see?

I'm not trying to sound like a victim. Though, feeling like a victim is a problem I have. I'm learning to recognize that. I'm learning that, being that victim is a failure of my pride. I know that I've done many things wanting to get her reaction, to fuel my pride and/or victimhood. Almost always I was disappointed and left hurt. That is a fault of mine for sure.