Detaching and setting boundaries is hard when H keeps checking in. He could be eating cake while he is still checking in to see if you are still an option. However, there are strategies to help you through this. We can also help with parenting issues.
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I don't think there is any one right way to do this I had my xh visit a lot at the beginning after he moved out I didn't stop that I wanted to show him I valued him and I could change so I became very supportive It didn't bring him back but It did create a very comfortable home setting for the transition It created a friend and wife who wanted to be there for him it created change in me It was very painful I had supportive friends I went to alanon meetings--it helped me through it
this program is about us..so we can change and go within sometimes a spouse will choose to come home sometimes it takes time because they are in crises --a real crises that has little to do with us But if we use their crisis for our growth good will come to us doors will open new friends and support appears we change and become better more compassionate I can't begin to hare all the good that has come from this MY XH never got better..he is absent and still in crises as far as I know-I don't wish that on him but it was not in my control
please don't give up trust that it will get better,,you will heal your kids need to see a strong mother right now fake it till you make it
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Spew monster selfish teen is back ..How dare I be a little tiffed that he has been off all week and not offered to help get the kids from school? He then called my sister and says he has no responsibility towards me and I nedd to stop waiting for him to take care of me....WHAT??? I really want to email him back and spew myself...but No Woosahhh!!! He cannot take my peace away
Can I even address it? He has been telling everyone that I am leeching off him. I work and I am paying for this dumb huge house he moved me into. I wanted a smaller home. I really hate him right now. He moved me to a new state then moved me into the house he chose and left a week later. I had to get my job and pay rent within the first week here....plus take care of 4 boys 24/7...one with sensory processing disorder...but I am a leech???I don't ask for money other than child support...I hate him..I hate him
Very typical behavior, i.e., one minute angry monster mode and the next being kind. You don't hate your h, but you do hate the behavior and it's understandable because he's acting out totally. Try to detach a bit more and not react to his behavior. I know it's difficult when they are under foot, but you have to find a way of looking at him as a teenager growing through his "growing pains". The less you respond/react to his behavior the better.
I'm very sorry you are having to deal w/this and I do hope that he'll settle down very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The more you practice letting go and trying to accept what is the easier it will be
its easy to be angry at a spouse who is now acting like a child it is out of your hands accept the anger and then try to let it go and find some peace try to take some time for yourself take care of yourself remind yourself that you will be ok you can do this I know how hard it is to parent alone.. Im glad you have an available sister hang in
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am over my anger. I had to have my tantrum moment here...I know he is broken and needs to heal. I hope the time he spends back with his family help to heal some of his many wounds.
You are the only one that can decide if you want him to bring you dinner. If you want him to do so, then say yes. However, if you do not wish to have him do things for you, then advise him that you prefer he don't do it. If he does bring you dinner, thank him for doing so. They crave attention, i.e., negative or positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
