October 11

[Mach1]

Do you love her ??

Yes. I love her more than anything. But, to be honest, I dont want the old her anymore than she wants the old me. I have been hurt by her lack of affection to me, withdrawn to drinking, and then pushed her away. At least that's how I see it. She just says, I'm mean and don't love her.

Well, I DO expect you to be honest. If it's on the internet, it MUST be true....huh ?



So, were you mean ? Did she know that you loved her ?

And whilst we are at it...

What does love mean to you ? What does it look like to you ?

How do you show it ? How do you receive it ??

I don't mean to sound clinical. There's a lot of complexity and anguish and pain that I'm not really going into as yet. Its basically I guess two people who stopped trying to help each other stay in love.

Lets just agree, that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can tell me about this, that will either shock or surprise me.

I've gone to my wife so many times over the years and said, "hey, something is wrong here, lets work on it. Lets fix this." But she never has. And now, her solution is to just separate and seemingly throw everything away.

To you...

she is throwing it all away...

To you....

You had a plan to fix (because YOU thought it was broken).

Now ??

She has a plan, and because it doesn't match "your" plan, it is wrong, or flawed ??

My point is, IF....If you think that she is MLC. I can 100% guarantee you that she doesn't want you to fix any of her problems for her. And probably hasn't in quite some time.

Is that a dealbreaker for you ?

If she's been with another man, then most likely yes. I've told her that. She nodded yes, as in she understood. But, we haven't had a close relationship for a while and I don't trust her. I want to. But I don't. I can forgive a lot. I can forgive her seeking affection from someone else. I don't like it, I hate it, but I understand it, and can forgive it. But, I dont think I could continue our marriage (not that its even guaranteed to continue as is) if she has gone out and had sex outside of our marriage.

You should prolly figure that one out first.

Because if you cannot forgive, then there is no need to put yourself through this, only to find out that you will always hold that inside of you....

What do YOU want ???

What I want? I want to hold her and kiss her and her to hold me and kiss me. I want to feel close to her again. I want her to be my best friend again! I want to smile when she walks in the room and she smiles at me. And we can finish each others sentences, and hold hands, and on and on....

I want her to love me.

But right now she doesn't. She says she loves me like a brother. And that hurts more than anything.

I want my wife back. I want my family back. I want to be in love with her, and grow old with her, and live the rest of our marriage in peace and happiness.

Why do you want that ??

Security ??

Guilt ??

Fear ??

But..I'm in this apartment. And she's in that house.

I do believe that was your choice ??

You fought, had a hissy fit, threatened to leave, she took you up on your offer, and now you are in that apartment...

So please try to not sound like a victim of this ???


Was that a pretty common theme to how you communicated ??