Vise, very tough sitch, I don't know every intimate detail but I can see one thing- you are very attached, and you have a lot of expectations.

You expect this M to come back together. You expect her to understand how you feel and be interested in working things out the way you want her to on your terms. You expect her to behave the way you want her to. You are very attached to that outcome. Every time she acts in a way that you feel is a step in that direction you are happy, every time she doesn't you get angry.

Reread Cadet's welcome email:

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.


You are on a rollercoaster. Not only doesn't this feel good, your emotions will in turn disrupt the process that she is going through. You can't control the outcome, you can't speed it up, but you can sabotage it and slow it down.

I always say "how can you expect her to overcome her dependence on another person if you can't overcome your dependence on her?" Please answer me on that one. You need to step up big time, find some inner strength, and make peace with a life outside of your W. If the only way you can be ok in your world is if she acts the way you want her to you will be in for a miserable ride. It will destroy any chance of saving your M, and probably contributed to getting to this point. How can you go about letting her go?

Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15