WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

You are still fighting her wayward mindset and without OM in the picture you can actually start to make progress. The neutral in "charging neutral" is the mindset like you said "genuinely OK with whatever happens". She can leave. The cage door is open and you are not her keeper....and you'll be fine either way. There will come a point in time or two where you have to basically say "this isn't enough for me". Probably not yet but within 6 months or so of recovery when you sense her feelings are starting to return for you and she'll actually maybe get twinges of empathy for you and be able to hear the implications that she might lose you yet over this. Right now - she could take it or leave it because she sees no way to ever be "in love" with you or attracted to you again. Don't sweat it - my wife thought and felt the same thing. It's passes. She loved and was attracted to you before - she'll do it again and hopefully even more so once she realizes fully how much you love her (betrayed husband forgiveness is one of the grandest gestures of love possible - God hates divorce and he has given betrayed husband's a legitimate biblical out of the marital covenant based upon Adultery. He knows how hurtful adultery is and doesn't call/require us to forgive AND reconcile.

Hey GB, nice to see you here back on my thread! I appreciate these thoughts and in a way, it helps me with detachment which is a real focus for me right now. While I don't follow a Christian faith, I do see truth in it and I agree completely that there's something very grand and beautiful about the kind of transpersonal love that it takes for a LBS to forgive the WS and patiently undergo the DB process. You are right, I can focus on the fact that I am a pretty darn good H. Not perfect, but quite capable of this kind of love, and indeed, perhaps my W will eventually come to see this. I have been letting my self worth be a bit too defined by her current words and actions, rather than maintaining a clear picture of myself and defining my self worth based on my own words and actions.

This really gave me a different angle on what can help me with detachment, GB. Thank you! Forgive me in advance, as I'm sure I'll probably need to be reminded again and again...